I’d been looking forward to annual leave from my NHS day job for months. We should have been going to Cyprus. (But that certain pandemic put a stop to that!) So on 1st April 2021. We travelled to Mablethorpe on the east coast of middle England and it’s surrounding coast on a Clange road trip – our first visit to the sea in months. It was really cold. On our 10th Handfasting Anniversary. The desolation of pre season pandemic seaside towns, that look like a zombie apocalypse movie set, with an endless sea of empty caravans. Just added to my feelings of bleakness whilst searching for sunshine. But the Nutella doughnuts were good. Video below.
A positive though is that it has enabled us to invest in 7 of my Earth Tree Healing albums duplicated onto CD to sell – via
Taking full advantage of lockdown confinement. I’ve just completed a new ambient album in my home studio called Pilgrimage of Elements. Music Links
What stemmed from seeing a word #Werifesteria on a friends social media post (thanks Don!). ‘Werifesteria’ – verb meaning to wander longingly through the forest in search of mystery.’ This set me off on and exploration without physical boundaries.
Connection to Earth (Werifesteria) Water (Azure Oceans) Fire (Sacred Fire) Air (Anima) and Spirit (Divine Journey)
Tracks are just under 10 mins each. The music is less melodic, more ambient. Very nice to meditate to. The track ‘Sacred Fire’ features a recording of tribal drumming round the fire at a Pagan Tribal Gathering Camp.
This year, as I explore the countryside on new ‘Adventures With Clange.’ I’ll add footage to the music.
Whilst I experience a blissful state composing. Something dark affected me badly last week. It’s been creeping up on me again for a while. I had put it down to exam nerves, relentless working fatigue. Working from home has its ups and downs, but I am very grateful my bosses have kept me safe and workplace has been really supportive with wellbeing for staff. I’m so glad I have Ange to talk to about this stuff. Who really helps sort ‘me’ out.
I have loved being in the company and pestered by our cats Pattie & Rambo (even though we lost Tipsy last year, I was lucky to spend lockdown #1 with her, unknowing at the time she would have to be put to sleep in November. Which broke our hearts. Check out @clangecats on Instagram.
Ange works from home anyway downstairs, so I located myself upstairs. As to not get on each other’s boobage. I’d felt really quite unwell mentally and physically recently. Anxiety was creeping back. Neglect of the basics of wellness is not good for me. I’d talked about it with Ange. She asked if I was still taking my vitamin D? I’d stopped the extra high strength dose a few months ago to have a break, whilst trying different supplements. Well….. there is a lesson again for me, during a winter that I’ve spent shielding indoors. It’s felt really cold and dark. My blissful safe 4 walls has kept me safe and warm. The cross trainer providing exercise. But the 4 walls had begun to make me feel trapped. I craved green trees and blue skies. I kept telling myself all these mind chatter negatives and problems were smaller than I thought. Everything will be and is actually all good.
Constant fatigue, mind fog, generally feeling off, muscle aches, lack of energy.
The lack of the Sun. That wonderful warmth that bursts through clouds to recharge body and soul had been lacking. I’d managed a brief bicycle ride after getting mine serviced. But sat in a bitter cold wind, cursing myself for not braving cold walks outdoors. My whisker biscuit temporarily ruined again, getting used to the saddle! Ouch! My knees sound crunchier than crushing crackling. Self rage. Missed opportunities. But this Lockdown has seen healthier eating habits form and weight loss.
Am I Peri-Menopausal? Something is definitely changing in that department. Being in my mid forties now. Having to get varifocals too. Wow. With that comes hobbies, such as an extreme liking for visiting garden centers and comparing cheese scones. Whilst getting routine medical things back on track (hunt my Cervix for my smear test has been another drama! and that’s another story best served cold graphically with friends and family!!!! – The 3rd medical profession found it! )
I’d tried an apple cider vinegar supplement capsules. (As wanted to to get away from drinking shots.) Unfortunately they constipated me and gave me tummy ache.. Gutted.
So what did I do? That I personally feel helps me.
A morning Matcha tea powder shot (disgusting, swamp like, earthy, green)
I started again on high dose vitamin D, Meditation, a quality Royal Jelly tablet added. (Along with already taking Turmeric and Bee Propolis.)
Reconnected with Reiki – as I do when I meditate.
The blue healing candle on my music altar burned unusually high and brightly. Rambo cat came in the room meowing, woke me with a start, back into the muggle land matrix. Then the smoke alarm went off. Terrifying all in the house!
I had a CIPS (Chartered Institute of Procurement and Supply) exam yesterday at college. A retake, as I’m really not academic my memory is shot. I revise and revise. The experiences of failing exams,(especially nasty when it’s 2% from a pass!) on a subject such as commercial contracting for example – something I neither have personal interest in, nor job experience – is a punch in the fanny. But you get knocked down. The drive to complete, finish the course gets one back up again.. after a pity party, disappointed tutor of course. A change of approach to study time, utilising more resources for the theory understanding. When exam questions seem gibberish, unintelligible – the rot of self doubt, shame, frustration and incompetence creeps in. Then the ‘Claud – you are a creative! Once this qualification is complete. You can fully focus on your bliss again…and have life back…. kicks in. ‘Ange will also remind you how fooking mardy and miserable you have been. I just need to stop trying to fit in, in muggle land. It was never meant to be for me. Can’t talk the talk, or kiss the arses. Lockdown isolation from people has generated an even bigger rethink of ones future. Just got to make it happen. Working for the greater good, sacrifices selfish gain.. I can live with that (Enough rahing on Claud!!! Well Anyway!)
Balancing this – an apprenticeship level 4 Diploma, full time day job work and being a musician/composer. (Violins in background, tiny ones too) Really is a challenge. This year I’ll complete. 2 years later… But better to have done it during a year of lockdown and achieved another qualification for day job work. Having spoken to fellow students and their struggles with this course. I now do not feel as bad and traumatized as before. I need to stop being so harsh with myself. In hindsight. My lack of ability to concentrate had also, I believe been part of my vitamin D deficiency symptoms. On top of my obligatory seasonal SAD issues.
Those that moan of lack of time, motivation or boredom. Get off your arses, do not wine to me! Nothing is free, hard work pays off. It might not be pleasant and will piss you off and tire you out. Procrastinating is non productive. A wasted life is bitter spent. ‘Poor me’ is easy, pro activity pays off, you don’t need to read a fucking self help book to find that one out.
I met and fell in love with ‘Godzilla.’ A tortoise. You hold them like a burger. Listening to his breath, and him kicking me with surprisingly strong legs, has left me filled with a surprisingly huge new found affection. They are going to find him a girlfriend at West Notts College. Love him.
We drove up to The Peak District at the weekend. (Now lockdown rules are relaxing and remaining very careful and socially distancing…. and our use of home lateral flow tests to keep friends and family safe) we’ve both had our first vaccine doses. The AstraZeneca one. Only side effects for both of us was fatigue the next day. (A duvet day helped and lost weekend) If I start growing gills at 50 and mutating…Well at least I’d had had a few good holidays.
Fresh air, amazing views. Beautiful, snowy, great fish and chips.
Clange Video here
So in conclusion. I’m starting to feel much better, sleeping better. That inner and outer wellbeing feeling is returning. The world is not so dark. Spring has sprung pretty blossoms. Looking forward to a summer of safe adventures, even if we cant leave the UK. As ever thank you Ange for putting up with me, loving me and supporting me when I’m a Twunt.
- Take care, be kind, adventure, be happy – Claudine
In other news: My winter PlayStation gaming is done. Playing Days Gone and The Last of Us 2 have been nightmare winter inducing zombie games. Fortunately neither have turned me into a crazed potential murderer or violent individual.
Not watching the drivel of the doom mongering news, has enabled mind wellness. A pursuit into physical and spiritual wellness follows. More time spent connecting with trees.
Massive thanks to the following YouTube creators for getting us through lockdown after Netflix and The Mandalorian. I’d not chosen to read books, as found my mind was too exhausted studying and I have a tendency to fall asleep, neverminded how riveting. Maybe I’ll try audio books. These are a few of our discoveries and favorites. As well as Friday night virtual foodie adventures exploring the planet virtually and planning our own.
The Endless Adventure The Endless Adventure – YouTube
Yes Theory Yes Theory – YouTube
Else Rhae and Barron Elsa Rhae & Barron – YouTube
Cecelia Blomdahl Cecilia Blomdahl – YouTube
Sailing La Vagabonde Sailing La Vagabonde – YouTube
Casey Neistat CaseyNeistat – YouTube
MrBeast MrBeast – YouTube
The exPAWers the exPAWers – YouTube
Flying The Nest Flying The Nest – YouTube
My Self Reliance My Self Reliance – YouTube
California Through My Lens California Through My Lens – YouTube
Our own Channel – Adventures With Clange Adventures With Clange – YouTube