Breathing fresh crisp clean air in a forest is revitalizing. 2 years later (and watching a lot of YouTube travel vloggers) after being safe and hidden, consumed in darkness, sometimes fear. Sometimes within the catacombs of surrendering happiness from the escape from society. Even for just moments of meditations. Comfort and creativity… seeking calm in 2022.
I suppose it, with that I mean winter, workload and lockdowns for me was like being stuck underwater for a while, unable to fully feel and breath. The urge to do better with being SAD in January had made me angry. I’m not dwelling on winter viruses, I am counting my blessings that I’ve not been touched by the worst of ‘them’ I’m no longer speaking of the ‘C’ word or ‘O’ variant.. But December was pretty snotty, irritatingly sinus headache heavy! I am tired of it. I’m exhausted at the aftermath. With that comes the need to recharge and be revitalized. Time to break the surface and cause wellbeing ripples. Life is short, experience it. Whilst enjoying lost of tasty fruit and vegetables and no so much ‘naughty food.’
Our solution. We are getting outside walking in the light on weekends. Rain, snow, fog, or sunshine and blue skies like we had last week. A beautiful morning in local place called Thieves Wood. We live in Robin Hood County, Nottinghamshire. We have plenty of green options to explore. There is always an opportunity for a road trip.. Even just for tea and cake! Whilst I adore the sea and its recharge and cleansing ability. There is so much opportunity in this green and pleasant land that is good for the mind, body and soul. My focus now wanders in this wonder.
I needed a tree hug and had one. Beautiful experience. Absorbing stresses, worries, frustrations and returning love, reassurance, peace. Walking amongst them in awe at their vastness, age and good vibes. Clearing my head, amongst them… Whilst some stand bare waiting the springtime buds of blossoms. Some are evergreen and majestic.
We were lucky to spot a deer roaming in the distance. There is something magical about standing on the Earth amongst Trees in silence listening, breathing, Healing. Which is where Earth Tree Healing originated. I just put music to it.
Trees communicate through their roots. They carry past memories, nutrients. The changing seasons and cycles of life. They nurture the earth. They release oxygen and help us breathe. Many love the tree of life symbol.
If you are able..go hug a tree. breathe the fresh air. It will do you a world of good.
What an exquisite journey adventuring in this world…and beyond.
It’s been a vibrational weekend. You know when you get that tired, but buzzing you can’t sleep before or after.. Then Monday happens FFS.
We participated at the LizianEvents Newark Well Being Market 10th & 11th July 2021. I have a table with my music on at the shows. I’m not a saleswoman. The thought of it gives me inner and outer turmoil. So please do talk all things musical with me and I’m relaxed. Ange deals with business, negotiation and money. I’ve afforded CD duplication runs some of my Earth Tree Healing albums, for hard copy seekers of independent artist relaxation, meditation and melody – positives to a pandemic and not going out or on manyAdventures With Clange (Our YouTube Vlog) in 2020/2021. It truly is an honour when I connect with people who already have some and enjoy the music I channel. Success to me is others finding and benefitting from my finger dribblings.
Financial gains are reinvested in instruments, music releases. I have a full time challenging at times and pandemics day job within the Supply Chain, Procurement function, (without adequate pay rises for over a decade!) In the NHS. As well as Ange’s relentless hard work 7 days a week as a self employed bird running 3 businesses. That affords our bills, rent and a few treats and adventures.. Plus extra satisfaction that I’m doing my bit for helping patients. I’d previously walked away from 18 years in retail – As could no longer bear the abuse, whining and violence from the general public, rubbish hours and rubbish pay. Being non stop in employment from the age of 16. It has been a slog. Times I haven’t coped, needed time outs…Motivations, ambition and trying every day gets us one step closer. Pity parties, well… happen but get dealt with. But now is time to focus on futures. This journey is great.
Before Ange and I became patrons of these shows. I’d been a bit cynical about having ‘therapies’ especially with the people about in a big venue. Housing a mind that wanders and chatters more than the easy morning birds. I meditate at home in solitude…Music is my meditation too. Well until the cats realise and head butt the healing room door miaowing – thinking I’m dead! I’m also quite new to sound therapies. I’ve been committed to creating my own vibrations musically for 30 years. I’d not really explored it. Now friends, I confess…I’m a true convert and addict. If you haven’t tried it, what have you to lose? You may discover something that releases, balances, journeys and opens up something truly amazing.
Now we are full blown participants. Ange focusing fully with selling magical herbal incense, handmade candles etc with Fenix Flamesand the book publishing side. She did used to do Tarot Readings at the events. But is busy enough doing it as her ‘day job’ from home, and wants to focus on building the Fenix Flames business. When people come in asking, ‘where are the witches?’ it’s an honour. Ange loves doing talks and demonstrations. Genuinely helping others with their paths. Making money with integrity business is one thing. Being affordable and accessible is paramount. But there is also a responsibility for others and doing things the right way without greed or jealousy. A customer and client has a choice. There are enough for all.
We connect with community members. I now do a ‘Tongue Drum’ accompaniment with Alan Wood’s Native American Traditions and Saging Ceremonies outside the venue at the events. Which are now followed by a Guided Meditation by Ange and live sounds my me outside (weather permitting) Ange and I are planning to record some new Earth Tree Healing guided meditation CD’s off the back of great feedback. I also play the Tongue Drum for Don and Carol Harradine’s Taiji demonstrations and Qigong. We have built lasting friendships with this community. It’s one big family.
Even though Ange and I have Bitch Fit domestics, when I’ve spent all my show ‘pocket money’ on treatments and ask for more £. :-0 A treat! I purchased some Orgonite Pyramids from Mysical Messengers which are a stunning addition to our healing room and home studio.
Saturday: Before kick off of the event. A gong bath by Richard Hissittwho I’ve also commissioned to build me solfeggio tubes (used for healing) Every time I embark on a gong bath spiritual journey. It involves other worldly visions, a great feeling of out of body departure and relaxation. I remember looking up in my minds eye to a blue sky above the purple haze and seeing a mothership in the clouds. Very UFO related. A subject I actively enjoy. I’ve very excited for future ventures with Richard, Norma and Luna.
Sunday: Congeries of Sound Therapy. The show before this… Intrigue and Iza Moon convinced me to try. Eyes closed. Breathing calmer. As the frantic mind chatter subsided. The pulsating shapes and colours came. A psychic lava lamp. Brilliant light. A rush of the purest fresh air… breathing. A clearance. When I’m the presence of masters, archangels..The presence of God. The energies are strong. The journey to my true self is underway. I’m still struggling to speak my full truth. As the day job and study blocks send my mind chatter into crazy. The fear of letting go and fully embracing my creativity is a struggle beyond previous addictions. The advice and truths given were absolute, not offensive and perfect. Each session different in tone, instrument, therapeutic act. There are moments when I wish I’d pressed record. The Rav Vast Drum played a hauntingly soul encapsulating melody. Darren channels his guides. I’m now saving up for one – patience Claud, the wait is worth the reward! My latest (as I invest all back into it and album renewals on Tunecore for my Earth Tree Healing digital releases) music royalties are currently tied up in releasing my new album ‘Pilgrimage of Elements.’ I’m trying not to sound like ‘Braggy McBragville from Bragland’ stating I really enjoyed composing, recording and listening to this album. Its proper chill. I love it. It kept the darkness from the door during the last year I tell thee!
The song and tone is beautiful. Thank you Darren. Congeries of Sound Discussing Shamanic Healing and the joy of sound therapy. Iza also had just bought one, after experiencing treatments from Darren too. We will all be going to ‘Rav Vast drums’ Addicts Anonymous soon!
Here is a video of me performing at this event. (I’ve asked advice from Mr Timothy and a really good iphone mic is also on my shopping list to buy)
My path is clearer. Synchronicities.. Please so help me by listening to my music and sharing. Getting out there to more listeners really does pay me to invest in making more music.
We arrived back to Nottingham last night. After 9 hours navigating traffic jams around the M5 from Boscastle, Cornwall. Bank Holiday madness! We both agreed… next time we will stop over in Glastonbury. Rambo cat woke me at 5am for fuss and to dribble on me in bed.
As I approach my 46th year (May 30th) in this body, in this reality. It’s been a deep journey! I’m hoping the road is much longer.
We’ve spent the last few days. Enjoying wind, rain, sunshine, sunsets. We began in Portsmouth then a road trip through Devon to Newquay, Cornwall.
It was great to see Ange’s parents again after so long. Lateral Flow Tests a go go and the ability to go inside restaurants to eat again. as its been rain rain in the UK in May 2021!
We visited The Sculpture Park in Farnham. There were hundreds! The video below captures just a few. Great day out.
Vlogging and capturing elements of our journey gives us memories and documents some wonderful experiences for Ange and Myself. If you enjoy them, or get inspired…that’s even better!
The 2020/2021 Covid Pandemic UK Lockdown: After an exercise filled start with clear blue skies and good weather lead, like many to ‘Sloth and troff’ behaviours and indulgences. (Or for some drinking and drugging to death) We just ate nice food. I needed a clear head for work. Alcohol just doesn’t help me with stress. My cure is meditation, creativity with music making, travel and good food.
We only scratched the surface of good food eateries in the short time we were in Cornwall. (More in the Adventures with Clange YouTube Videos) A big mention to Fore Street Cafe Bar in Newquay (Postcode Number 38 TR7 1LP) (parking with toilets for 20p is opposite (TR7 1HD) – get there early- Yes bring lots of 20ps and change for parking in Cornwall or set up card payment apps) We enjoyed some exquisite breakfasts and Cinnamon Bun take aways.
Opposite is a bakers that does and amazing Monkey Bread and Pain Au Chocolat at the Pavilion Bakery (37 TR7 1HD)
The Boathouse Charlestown does finger licking amazing crispy Calamari and burgers (Ange says its the best burger she has ever eaten)
A special doughnut (baked in Bude) and good cup of tea at Harbour Light Tea Garden opposite the Witch Museum (PL35 0AG)
A reminder when there is no Land Train! Our walking at The Eden Project (a great day out BTW) was not only painful. But a reminder in the mountain of fitness we both need to climb. Wearing masking in a tropical rainforest biome though… really is swelteringly unpleasant. Video here
Whereas Land’s End was a tourist ‘signpost’ and underwhelming disappointment. (We wecommend The Lizard) A distinct disgusting fishy smell that developed in our car was minging (watch the videos!) Boscastle was magical and intriguing. (We will spend more time in that area on our next visit) The Minack Theater was booked up. So again… next time.
The beaches – especially Fistral Beach, Newquay. Was the tonic to our lockdown ailments. Filming in windy weather, up a cliff was refreshing, invigorating. The negative sea ions cleansed the last year of home pandemic imprisonments.
Filmed on Fistral Beach (in high winds) Music ‘Azure Oceans’ from my new album, Pilgrimage of Elements.
When I am amongst the beauty of nature. I am most alive. When I capture it. To accompany my music. It completes the circle. Performing music live is one of the best feelings.
We enjoyed and captured a beautiful sunset with surfers and beach dwellers too. It reminded me of the hippy vibes, as we sat on Benirrás Beach in Ibiza. Watching the sun go down a few years ago.
In Cornwall – there was space, great food (amazing breakfasts at Fore Street Cafe Bar in Newquay)
Massive thanks to our Airbnb hosts. Good value, lots of cats and really close to the beach.
As we continued our search in Cornwall for the vibes and location to permanently move to… Somerset’s beauty and greenery still beckons. So we aren’t ruling anything out.
I do feel really relaxed after this trip. We always miss our cats when away. We try to fuss every dog about on our trips.
Back to day job work next week.
The Pandemic pressures and events in the NHS for its staff, families and patients have frankly been horrific. It’s lead to a lot of contemplation of what I do and where we go next. To pay the bills. As yes there is a satisfaction of duty that I helped a little bit. There is also no job satisfaction with pressures and feeling helpless shielding, but still working from home during the worst. Now I’m back working on campus. Still feeling like the new girl. With my final module of my CIPS qualification. There is light at the end of the tunnel to fully focus on my passions.
My New Age Album ‘Pilgrimage of Elements’ (Earth Tree Healing) is released August 2021. Lockdown allowed me to embrace more productive time for my creativity and happiness. Whilst also doing more collaborative projects. I’ll be performing acoustically & vibrationally (guitar, hand pan & tongue drums) supporting meditations & community members at Lizian Events Well Being Markets & Pagan Tribal Gathering 2021. Back on the drum kit – Tightening bingo wings with Stinking Rita Band. I’ll also be focussing on my art.
As I lay in the bed uneasy. I knew, felt it, sensed it. Circling our log cabin, slowly. No noise. But it was there. I tried to tell myself it was just owls in the surrounding woods. I lay awake all night in a heightened state of terror.
Earlier that evening. Whilst enjoying a log burner, relaxing evening. I’d suddenly got a rush of dread, demanded that Ange immediately close and lock the patio doors and shut all curtains. Things can’t see in…
Something in the beginnings of that dark night summoned itself scared me deeply.
It has been a September stay in Somerset. With a hot tub, day trip to Lyme Regis, Adventures. We had arrived relieved and excited for a relaxing break.
I’ve always felt and sensed more than some. A curse in some ways. In others a blessing of super feelings. My dreams have always been graphically real, strange. If my passing from this life is as exciting and psychedelic as these and leads me to peace, I have no complaints! Walking through the veil can leave be miffed, disturbed and exhausted upon waking. It also brings fantastic feelings of hope, positivity Guardian Angel reassurance. They present a beautiful feminine and recognised energy to me and visit in differing forms.
When I encounter earth bound recognitions. It’s inspiring, gets me out of fugs and funks. Restores faith in the good souls.
Whatever ‘it’ was, I knew that if it had entered our cabin. If I’d have seen it. I would have been changed forever. I did feel danger physically.
I don’t believe it was just an animal either. I had werewolves and got myself in a right state about it for hours of restless terror.
When I told Ange about it the next morning. She had slept soundly. Putting it down to be de-stressing from work. I felt different and strongly disagreed.
I’ve never forgotten this experience. I would never be brave enough to confront what lurked that night. Apart from that one strange night. We had a wonderful time.
Do I fear dangerous humans? Or the darkness that lurks.
Moonlight, starry skies. The changing from dusk to dawn is magical. Some of formative years were spend sleepless and nocturnal. Working night shifts, walking home to the sunrise and comfort, deepest of sleep and daytime dreams.
The visitations more intense.
Going back ever younger, as a child. One night the multiple voices were chattering. In the room I shared with my Sister, in my head? I recall shouting “Stop!”
I’d sometimes think about skeletons, and feel a deep emptiness.
A curiosity with the great beyond has been present from early childhood.
Whatever gifts we are given. A certain responsibility comes with them.
How much to share before judgements are made? Sharing with the likeminded.
The fascinating mind, thoughts, experiences. Past lives, flashes, Deja vu. Regression, answers lead to acceptance and focus on journeys.
When I moved back to live at my parents, after a ‘lost time’ renting rooms. Or the occasions before that when I’d stayed in my old bedroom.
I’d be asleep, or dozing. Suddenly.. I felt something approaching on the landing. It would enter the room (door closed) go to the end of the bed. Then walk up my legs and sit.
Initially I was silently freaked out. Feeling a physical presence. Not wanting to look in case I saw ‘it.’ Falling asleep and upon waking, telling myself it’s just me dreaming.
But the repetition. This entity didn’t feel bad. It’s felt quite positive. There energy, I can only describe as ‘shimmering.’
Fast forward to Ange and I getting together and embracing our spiritual path.
I mentioned it after another encounter. She instantly said – it’s your Grandads dog. She is looking after your dad.
It was Katie. A Yorkshire Terrier. ( now the size of the physical experience made sense )
I felt relief, emotional. I remember that doggie from childhood.
Ange helps others now with ‘house cleansing.’ If a spirit is causing a problem, it’s ok. Ange helps them into the light. Helps them release ties with this world. Sometimes they are stranded, stubborn, or just don’t realise they are dead. Scared to face the music after things they have done whilst alive..
When I was in the folk band ‘The Idolins’ we had met in a pub beer garden. A few drinks later. I was conversing with friend about some difficulties he was experiencing. It took a strange and frightening turn of events. I suddenly felt tight chested. Like something suddenly grabbed me. It felt like claws digging in. Freaking out I shouted Ange. She ‘saw it.’ Grabbed it and removed it.
I could breathe again. A dark entity? Soul, Demon? That when I realised Ange’s true abilities with these things. Some of the people there found it funny, sniggering. Spoke volumes to me.
Another realisation in life- when hanging about the wrong sorts – for me, not fitting in. Thinking all along, it’s my social insecurities. When all along – it’s just incompatibility. Being around genuine spiritual folk makes me far more comfortable. At that time I was opening up . My energies were open…. Maybe too open, when made me vulnerable to an attempted attachment of something. A lesson for me… it took a while… years.
Even though I’m very open about myself and beliefs. I thrive in good compatible company. It makes it so much easier to understand why I struggle so much in muggleland. The escape plan is very real… and enjoyable.
Whatever doors, a jar, fully opened. I think are part of my gifts. My creativity cannot be capped off, put away. It only bursts out with a happy vengeance. This is why the channeling of music is not only self therapy. But a life’s work. Maybe angels, others are speaking through my fingers. As like I’ve said before. I have very few memories of performing. The ‘trance’ is blissful. The result recorded sounds wonderful to me. I don’t question it. I just go with it with gratitude.
There was a flat we lived in Basford. A previous relationship and girlfriend that also saw dead people. My Grandma Ivy ( I think ) … a blond woman sat regularly at the end of our bed often. Something terrifying, claustrophobic lurked there, it was a very unhealthy place that made me ill – as well as the damp. my girlfriend moved out. My mum ended up
kicking off with the estate agents. Before I moved to a house. I ended up getting dumped, truly heart broken and went through a messy time, a lonely time, a self destructive time. From this.. getting dragged into other peoples dramas… has done me no good in life. The older I get. The effects and mental drain get worse. Even though I have a bursting desire to genuinely help others. I have to walk away and shut off. I’m not a councillor or therapist. Practice of Reiki, music, thrashing the cross trainer, good food and meditation. The love of Ange, our pets, family, good friends… Adventures and spiritual positive living help me.
I may have an active imagination. But I pick up ‘vibes.’ I just have a radar of highly attuned sensitivity to some things. Whilst switching off to a lot of what I feel – mundane day to day stuff.
Then there was the happenings at flat at Bestwood Park….the chains….ancient burial grounds….. when I woke and saw him.
Big high five to the weirdos, the unaccepted, the folks on your spirituality journeys. It’s a hell of a ride.
I’d been looking forward to annual leave from my NHS day job for months. We should have been going to Cyprus. (But that certain pandemic put a stop to that!) So on 1st April 2021. We travelled to Mablethorpe on the east coast of middle England and it’s surrounding coast on a Clange road trip – our first visit to the sea in months. It was really cold. On our 10th Handfasting Anniversary. The desolation of pre season pandemic seaside towns, that look like a zombie apocalypse movie set, with an endless sea of empty caravans. Just added to my feelings of bleakness whilst searching for sunshine. But the Nutella doughnuts were good. Video below.
A positive though is that it has enabled us to invest in 7 of my Earth Tree Healing albums duplicated onto CD to sell – via
Taking full advantage of lockdown confinement. I’ve just completed a new ambient album in my home studio called Pilgrimage of Elements. Music Links
What stemmed from seeing a word #Werifesteria on a friends social media post (thanks Don!). ‘Werifesteria’ – verb meaning to wander longingly through the forest in search of mystery.’ This set me off on and exploration without physical boundaries.
Connection to Earth (Werifesteria) Water (Azure Oceans) Fire (Sacred Fire) Air (Anima) and Spirit (Divine Journey)
Tracks are just under 10 mins each. The music is less melodic, more ambient. Very nice to meditate to. The track ‘Sacred Fire’ features a recording of tribal drumming round the fire at a Pagan Tribal Gathering Camp.
This year, as I explore the countryside on new ‘Adventures With Clange.’ I’ll add footage to the music.
Whilst I experience a blissful state composing. Something dark affected me badly last week. It’s been creeping up on me again for a while. I had put it down to exam nerves, relentless working fatigue. Working from home has its ups and downs, but I am very grateful my bosses have kept me safe and workplace has been really supportive with wellbeing for staff. I’m so glad I have Ange to talk to about this stuff. Who really helps sort ‘me’ out.
I have loved being in the company and pestered by our cats Pattie & Rambo (even though we lost Tipsy last year, I was lucky to spend lockdown #1 with her, unknowing at the time she would have to be put to sleep in November. Which broke our hearts. Check out @clangecats on Instagram.
Ange works from home anyway downstairs, so I located myself upstairs. As to not get on each other’s boobage. I’d felt really quite unwell mentally and physically recently. Anxiety was creeping back. Neglect of the basics of wellness is not good for me. I’d talked about it with Ange. She asked if I was still taking my vitamin D? I’d stopped the extra high strength dose a few months ago to have a break, whilst trying different supplements. Well….. there is a lesson again for me, during a winter that I’ve spent shielding indoors. It’s felt really cold and dark. My blissful safe 4 walls has kept me safe and warm. The cross trainer providing exercise. But the 4 walls had begun to make me feel trapped. I craved green trees and blue skies. I kept telling myself all these mind chatter negatives and problems were smaller than I thought. Everything will be and is actually all good.
Constant fatigue, mind fog, generally feeling off, muscle aches, lack of energy.
The lack of the Sun. That wonderful warmth that bursts through clouds to recharge body and soul had been lacking. I’d managed a brief bicycle ride after getting mine serviced. But sat in a bitter cold wind, cursing myself for not braving cold walks outdoors. My whisker biscuit temporarily ruined again, getting used to the saddle! Ouch! My knees sound crunchier than crushing crackling. Self rage. Missed opportunities. But this Lockdown has seen healthier eating habits form and weight loss.
Am I Peri-Menopausal? Something is definitely changing in that department. Being in my mid forties now. Having to get varifocals too. Wow. With that comes hobbies, such as an extreme liking for visiting garden centers and comparing cheese scones. Whilst getting routine medical things back on track (hunt my Cervix for my smear test has been another drama! and that’s another story best served cold graphically with friends and family!!!! – The 3rd medical profession found it! )
I’d tried an apple cider vinegar supplement capsules. (As wanted to to get away from drinking shots.) Unfortunately they constipated me and gave me tummy ache.. Gutted.
So what did I do? That I personally feel helps me.
I started again on high dose vitamin D, Meditation, a quality Royal Jelly tablet added. (Along with already taking Turmeric and Bee Propolis.)
Reconnected with Reiki – as I do when I meditate.
The blue healing candle on my music altar burned unusually high and brightly. Rambo cat came in the room meowing, woke me with a start, back into the muggle land matrix. Then the smoke alarm went off. Terrifying all in the house!
I had a CIPS (Chartered Institute of Procurement and Supply) exam yesterday at college. A retake, as I’m really not academic my memory is shot. I revise and revise. The experiences of failing exams,(especially nasty when it’s 2% from a pass!) on a subject such as commercial contracting for example – something I neither have personal interest in, nor job experience – is a punch in the fanny. But you get knocked down. The drive to complete, finish the course gets one back up again.. after a pity party, disappointed tutor of course. A change of approach to study time, utilising more resources for the theory understanding. When exam questions seem gibberish, unintelligible – the rot of self doubt, shame, frustration and incompetence creeps in. Then the ‘Claud – you are a creative! Once this qualification is complete. You can fully focus on your bliss again…and have life back…. kicks in. ‘Ange will also remind you how fooking mardy and miserable you have been. I just need to stop trying to fit in, in muggle land. It was never meant to be for me. Can’t talk the talk, or kiss the arses. Lockdown isolation from people has generated an even bigger rethink of ones future. Just got to make it happen. Working for the greater good, sacrifices selfish gain.. I can live with that (Enough rahing on Claud!!! Well Anyway!)
Balancing this – an apprenticeship level 4 Diploma, full time day job work and being a musician/composer. (Violins in background, tiny ones too) Really is a challenge. This year I’ll complete. 2 years later… But better to have done it during a year of lockdown and achieved another qualification for day job work. Having spoken to fellow students and their struggles with this course. I now do not feel as bad and traumatized as before. I need to stop being so harsh with myself. In hindsight. My lack of ability to concentrate had also, I believe been part of my vitamin D deficiency symptoms. On top of my obligatory seasonal SAD issues.
Those that moan of lack of time, motivation or boredom. Get off your arses, do not wine to me! Nothing is free, hard work pays off. It might not be pleasant and will piss you off and tire you out. Procrastinating is non productive. A wasted life is bitter spent. ‘Poor me’ is easy, pro activity pays off, you don’t need to read a fucking self help book to find that one out.
I met and fell in love with ‘Godzilla.’ A tortoise. You hold them like a burger. Listening to his breath, and him kicking me with surprisingly strong legs, has left me filled with a surprisingly huge new found affection. They are going to find him a girlfriend at West Notts College. Love him.
We drove up to The Peak District at the weekend. (Now lockdown rules are relaxing and remaining very careful and socially distancing…. and our use of home lateral flow tests to keep friends and family safe) we’ve both had our first vaccine doses. The AstraZeneca one. Only side effects for both of us was fatigue the next day. (A duvet day helped and lost weekend) If I start growing gills at 50 and mutating…Well at least I’d had had a few good holidays.
Fresh air, amazing views. Beautiful, snowy, great fish and chips.
Clange Video here
So in conclusion. I’m starting to feel much better, sleeping better. That inner and outer wellbeing feeling is returning. The world is not so dark. Spring has sprung pretty blossoms. Looking forward to a summer of safe adventures, even if we cant leave the UK. As ever thank you Ange for putting up with me, loving me and supporting me when I’m a Twunt.
Take care, be kind, adventure, be happy – Claudine
In other news: My winter PlayStation gaming is done. Playing Days Gone and The Last of Us 2 have been nightmare winter inducing zombie games. Fortunately neither have turned me into a crazed potential murderer or violent individual.
Not watching the drivel of the doom mongering news, has enabled mind wellness. A pursuit into physical and spiritual wellness follows. More time spent connecting with trees.
Massive thanks to the following YouTube creators for getting us through lockdown after Netflix and The Mandalorian. I’d not chosen to read books, as found my mind was too exhausted studying and I have a tendency to fall asleep, neverminded how riveting. Maybe I’ll try audio books. These are a few of our discoveries and favorites. As well as Friday night virtual foodie adventures exploring the planet virtually and planning our own.
As spring catapults my happy vibes into sunshine land. A few days annual leave in lockdown has allowed some serious home studio time. (A needed break from NHS day job land) I spent the day composing & recording FRIGG for my 2022 album – GODDESS 2. I wanted to experiment and challenge myself with a lot more live instruments, rather than just midi sounds on Logic Pro X. A brilliant wellbeing boost. We had got up early to venture to the river (a local blessing during pandemic restrictions) having done a long walk the previous day (for us) on the journey to better fitness. My knees were murderous following it. Venturing out, whilst social distancing during shielding is a novelty. But after lockdown #1 over indulgences and laziness during working from home. (It’s started so well too!) We have both incorporated healthier eating and much needed exercise into lockdown 3. No crisps on the monthly internet shop! I do love Ange’s swearing and BF’s when we get the delivery of bulk goods that she lugs into the kitchen. Rarely will we need to visit supermarkets now. Farm shops selling local produce from small businesses is our weekly fresh shopping. I can’t thank The Real Milk Company enough.
It’s a long, but sensible road ahead…. (I won’t be posting weigh ins on social media – as it pisses me off when others do it, to only put twice as much weight back on, once their ‘diets’ end) We are entertaining some of the secret stalkers and virtually interacting with Ange’s family down south with ‘Ange’s lockdown Gousto live cooking videos’ and other troffing experiences. We can’t eat out, so eating in is the new thing. Can’t beat a good cull and unfollow or others uninteresting, joy vacuuming negative and argumentative shite. Give me Batzilla the bat or @celinaspookboo frankly hilarious sleepwalking exploits on TikTok any day.
Ours is a gradual lifestyle change. Removal of unhealthy snacks and better managing portion sizes, along with exercise is making both of us feel better.
Watching the sunrise through river mists is an ethereal experience. Whilst hints of winter still cools ones toes. The sunshine warms up my hope for better days of freedom outdoors and normality. With our April Cyprus holiday cancelled. Ange & my sister in law are surprising us with a mystery 2022 big holiday abroad. I love a good surprise! We frantically scrambled to book a short Cornwall break (lockdown end permitting) in May. So at least we get to see the sea. Fingers, legs and fanny crossed!
Ange had her covid vaccine. So whilst pandering to her every need (as she had mine afterwards) copious cups of tea. I spent Sunday 28th Feb 2021 having a wonderful indulgent time improvising aka composing. Featuring acoustic guitar, tongue drums, kalimba, tambourine, baroque organ and love eggs. Whereas filming myself does disrupt my creative flow slightly, it really is a great way to remember my journey. Watch my video of the session here. A really good accomplished day. It also feels good to get out of a PMT driven funk.
Lately I’ve had times of waking in the early hours. Staring into my minds pit of darkness and despair. Anxiety in the pit of ones stomach. Worry of all kinds. Exploring the void in well-being created by a pandemic. I hate to use the word ‘wobble.’ But there you go.
In a lot of ways, I’m completely safe. I’m currently working from home. Bar one day a week working on site. Staying away from people, masks, social distancing, PPE. With some underlying health conditions. Is the rebellion worth the risk? For me personally – no. Along with that comes guilt, as I currently am not working on the front line at the hospital due to a very high risk assessment. Much respect goes to all the heroes. From carers to retail staff. To all the people cooking meals for people in need, animal rescuers and charities. To the good folk you would never even consider doing good.
Mask wearing really is unpleasant – for long periods of time and with physical work. It leaves me with a dry tickley throat, like I’ve inhaled fibres. But even if it offers me even a tiny bit of extra protection when near people from COVID juice – I’ll suck it up. I’ve not seen evidence that anxiety and non mask wearing stops virus spread. The evidence with masks is well….Space suits next? For all the science, opinion, conspiracy theories, truths, lies, long term study and digestion of the coronavirus pandemic. We are in stasis in the UK currently. Our freedoms, lifestyles are on hold. Fear is being fed causing long term addictions, self destruction and mental health issues.
Through medication and medical breakthroughs, living healthier, evolution, improved healthcare. Humans are able to extend their lives, living longer. With older bodies, immune systems. When is the tipping point reached in nature? What man made/discovered horrors do we bear witness to? Life is fragile. We were never designed to live forever. We will all die of something or multiple somethings. But when the heart finally stops beating. The cycle of life does not comfort lost loved ones. ‘No one here gets out alive.’
I’m a spiritual being. I take comfort that the body dying is not the end. But I fear suffering. Am empathic, which at times affects me a lot. In someways I’ve become far to sensitive in this world. That is my belief and my experiences. I live with a psychic Tarot Reader. Yet I do not dwell on my death date… just a fear of losing the physical presence of the ones I love.
Bar catching anything from the odd takeaway, home delivery. Our risk is minimal. But the odd sniffle, under the weather has still happened. Why I ask? All precautions thoroughly adhered to. I have not missed shops. I love our outdoors farm shop, and a good trott around a garden centre. Our days of supermarket shopping are well and truly over. There is a minority of dirty, personal space invaders, rude and vile individuals, who frequent these places. Who drag their feral crotch fruit goblins about causing mayhem.. best avoided. Home delivery, alongside small farm shops/local business/fresh food purchases is the Clange way of living now.
Paranoia and worry keeps a knocking…sets in again. What if I die? What if I can’t breathe? Worries about family and friends, Ange. The future. Financial survival. Holidays.
I’ve had some stinking and stonking nasty winter viruses in the past. Nothing as bad that bed rest and antibiotics haven’t cured.
I’m not going to focus on the destruction, gaslighting, manipulation, speculation done by the media in every format, including social media arguments. – as I just stick to watching nice animal stories or YouTube travel or foodie vlogs. I have also been enjoying some excellent middle earth, Nephilim/Alien/Bigfoot documentaries.
The wrongs and rights of actions by Governments. Well…..
All I have control over is how we weather this storm.
My personal remedy. Exercise on the cross trainer, walking around the lakes. (Luckily across the road from us …#local) Cutting out snacking and sticking to healthier meals from Gousto- a Godsend has been online shopping and these delivered meals. With hardly any alcohol consumption. The body feels pretty ok atm.
With a stone in weight lost since my binge eating marathon during lockdown 1. I’m feeling a bit better in myself. Gradual and a permanent lifestyle change works for me.
Use of sad lamp, switching news off. Recording lots more music in home studio (which got me through 2020)
Whilst dealing with other people’s negativity. I said at the start of this that people will be judged on their actions and behaviours. Some have truly let themselves down.
I certainly haven’t missed being in the company of these sorts.
Others have embraced a bad situation and been inspiring… the light in the dark.
In some ways lockdown has been blissful. I miss my family and friends. The last time I saw my parents, was at the end of their driveway on Xmas day. Just to collect presents. There have been no physical hugs with them since March 2020. Phone calls and ‘face time’ virtual catch ups are our only option. Ange misses her family in Portsmouth. We wait for better days and #Clange travels.
Our cat Tipsy died last November. A heartbreaking experience. A gradual deterioration of appetite and diagnosis of intestinal growth. They couldn’t operate, as her blood pressure dropped when our vet attempted surgery. We spent the last few weeks with her, in bits, comforting her. We got to stroke her in masks, at the vets door, on a trolley when they put her to sleep. She (her ashes) is now home, in her mango wood box. (A lovely bereavement card sent and signed from the staff- thank you) We miss her so much. She was the most loving cat with character, that would hold our hands with her paws. Lockdown 1 afforded me unknown extra time with her whilst working home. For that I’m truly grateful. Time is precious. Our pets are our babies. (Not that I ever wanted children, or see them as a replacement)
I’ve spent too much time gaming playing Days Gone during the darkness and futility of January. Killing Zombie hoards has led to nightmares and rage. Ange is very supportive and tolerant (until she loses hers) of my shit fits.
With the end now in sight to my level 4 CIPS (Chartered Institute of Procurement and Supply) qualification. It’s time now to knuckle down with study. This in turn has made me realise that I never, ever want to study again.
I have the mind of a creative. Not the memory of an academic. Stick to what brings you happiness and not stress Claud! (Completely grateful to my workplace though) but a struggle whilst working full time in the NHS during a pandemic!
And, most importantly to me..whilst balancing my composer work. (I’ve been truly honest, whilst fully appreciative with my tutor at college- she gets it)
So next steps for me my medication is meditation and Reiki. I’ve neglected it lately.