Creating art is an exquisite experience. To release colour, shapes, visions, abstracts into surfaces, objects is something that I’ve enjoyed from childhood. Our home is filled with it. Alas it’s time to progress and create more to sell for more collectors to enjoy. I can’t take it with me when I pop my Clogs… and only my Vlogs and music remain.
Time to not glance at the horrors of the news, the manipulations of facts, the speculations and opinions that only lead to dark thoughts and times.
My clouds are colourful. As my hands age… each second.. each moment. I make the most of my every day dexterity. I choose legacy and bliss. Thank the power of Specsavers for Varifocals in ones mid 40’s!
My latest work in progress:
Creating a Crystal Guitar. Energy Art – Claudine West – Video.
It’s been a vibrational weekend. You know when you get that tired, but buzzing you can’t sleep before or after.. Then Monday happens FFS.
We participated at the LizianEvents Newark Well Being Market 10th & 11th July 2021. I have a table with my music on at the shows. I’m not a saleswoman. The thought of it gives me inner and outer turmoil. So please do talk all things musical with me and I’m relaxed. Ange deals with business, negotiation and money. I’ve afforded CD duplication runs some of my Earth Tree Healing albums, for hard copy seekers of independent artist relaxation, meditation and melody – positives to a pandemic and not going out or on manyAdventures With Clange (Our YouTube Vlog) in 2020/2021. It truly is an honour when I connect with people who already have some and enjoy the music I channel. Success to me is others finding and benefitting from my finger dribblings.
Financial gains are reinvested in instruments, music releases. I have a full time challenging at times and pandemics day job within the Supply Chain, Procurement function, (without adequate pay rises for over a decade!) In the NHS. As well as Ange’s relentless hard work 7 days a week as a self employed bird running 3 businesses. That affords our bills, rent and a few treats and adventures.. Plus extra satisfaction that I’m doing my bit for helping patients. I’d previously walked away from 18 years in retail – As could no longer bear the abuse, whining and violence from the general public, rubbish hours and rubbish pay. Being non stop in employment from the age of 16. It has been a slog. Times I haven’t coped, needed time outs…Motivations, ambition and trying every day gets us one step closer. Pity parties, well… happen but get dealt with. But now is time to focus on futures. This journey is great.
Before Ange and I became patrons of these shows. I’d been a bit cynical about having ‘therapies’ especially with the people about in a big venue. Housing a mind that wanders and chatters more than the easy morning birds. I meditate at home in solitude…Music is my meditation too. Well until the cats realise and head butt the healing room door miaowing – thinking I’m dead! I’m also quite new to sound therapies. I’ve been committed to creating my own vibrations musically for 30 years. I’d not really explored it. Now friends, I confess…I’m a true convert and addict. If you haven’t tried it, what have you to lose? You may discover something that releases, balances, journeys and opens up something truly amazing.
Now we are full blown participants. Ange focusing fully with selling magical herbal incense, handmade candles etc with Fenix Flamesand the book publishing side. She did used to do Tarot Readings at the events. But is busy enough doing it as her ‘day job’ from home, and wants to focus on building the Fenix Flames business. When people come in asking, ‘where are the witches?’ it’s an honour. Ange loves doing talks and demonstrations. Genuinely helping others with their paths. Making money with integrity business is one thing. Being affordable and accessible is paramount. But there is also a responsibility for others and doing things the right way without greed or jealousy. A customer and client has a choice. There are enough for all.
We connect with community members. I now do a ‘Tongue Drum’ accompaniment with Alan Wood’s Native American Traditions and Saging Ceremonies outside the venue at the events. Which are now followed by a Guided Meditation by Ange and live sounds my me outside (weather permitting) Ange and I are planning to record some new Earth Tree Healing guided meditation CD’s off the back of great feedback. I also play the Tongue Drum for Don and Carol Harradine’s Taiji demonstrations and Qigong. We have built lasting friendships with this community. It’s one big family.
Even though Ange and I have Bitch Fit domestics, when I’ve spent all my show ‘pocket money’ on treatments and ask for more £. :-0 A treat! I purchased some Orgonite Pyramids from Mysical Messengers which are a stunning addition to our healing room and home studio.
Saturday: Before kick off of the event. A gong bath by Richard Hissittwho I’ve also commissioned to build me solfeggio tubes (used for healing) Every time I embark on a gong bath spiritual journey. It involves other worldly visions, a great feeling of out of body departure and relaxation. I remember looking up in my minds eye to a blue sky above the purple haze and seeing a mothership in the clouds. Very UFO related. A subject I actively enjoy. I’ve very excited for future ventures with Richard, Norma and Luna.
Sunday: Congeries of Sound Therapy. The show before this… Intrigue and Iza Moon convinced me to try. Eyes closed. Breathing calmer. As the frantic mind chatter subsided. The pulsating shapes and colours came. A psychic lava lamp. Brilliant light. A rush of the purest fresh air… breathing. A clearance. When I’m the presence of masters, archangels..The presence of God. The energies are strong. The journey to my true self is underway. I’m still struggling to speak my full truth. As the day job and study blocks send my mind chatter into crazy. The fear of letting go and fully embracing my creativity is a struggle beyond previous addictions. The advice and truths given were absolute, not offensive and perfect. Each session different in tone, instrument, therapeutic act. There are moments when I wish I’d pressed record. The Rav Vast Drum played a hauntingly soul encapsulating melody. Darren channels his guides. I’m now saving up for one – patience Claud, the wait is worth the reward! My latest (as I invest all back into it and album renewals on Tunecore for my Earth Tree Healing digital releases) music royalties are currently tied up in releasing my new album ‘Pilgrimage of Elements.’ I’m trying not to sound like ‘Braggy McBragville from Bragland’ stating I really enjoyed composing, recording and listening to this album. Its proper chill. I love it. It kept the darkness from the door during the last year I tell thee!
The song and tone is beautiful. Thank you Darren. Congeries of Sound Discussing Shamanic Healing and the joy of sound therapy. Iza also had just bought one, after experiencing treatments from Darren too. We will all be going to ‘Rav Vast drums’ Addicts Anonymous soon!
Here is a video of me performing at this event. (I’ve asked advice from Mr Timothy and a really good iphone mic is also on my shopping list to buy)
My path is clearer. Synchronicities.. Please so help me by listening to my music and sharing. Getting out there to more listeners really does pay me to invest in making more music.
We arrived back to Nottingham last night. After 9 hours navigating traffic jams around the M5 from Boscastle, Cornwall. Bank Holiday madness! We both agreed… next time we will stop over in Glastonbury. Rambo cat woke me at 5am for fuss and to dribble on me in bed.
As I approach my 46th year (May 30th) in this body, in this reality. It’s been a deep journey! I’m hoping the road is much longer.
We’ve spent the last few days. Enjoying wind, rain, sunshine, sunsets. We began in Portsmouth then a road trip through Devon to Newquay, Cornwall.
It was great to see Ange’s parents again after so long. Lateral Flow Tests a go go and the ability to go inside restaurants to eat again. as its been rain rain in the UK in May 2021!
We visited The Sculpture Park in Farnham. There were hundreds! The video below captures just a few. Great day out.
Vlogging and capturing elements of our journey gives us memories and documents some wonderful experiences for Ange and Myself. If you enjoy them, or get inspired…that’s even better!
The 2020/2021 Covid Pandemic UK Lockdown: After an exercise filled start with clear blue skies and good weather lead, like many to ‘Sloth and troff’ behaviours and indulgences. (Or for some drinking and drugging to death) We just ate nice food. I needed a clear head for work. Alcohol just doesn’t help me with stress. My cure is meditation, creativity with music making, travel and good food.
We only scratched the surface of good food eateries in the short time we were in Cornwall. (More in the Adventures with Clange YouTube Videos) A big mention to Fore Street Cafe Bar in Newquay (Postcode Number 38 TR7 1LP) (parking with toilets for 20p is opposite (TR7 1HD) – get there early- Yes bring lots of 20ps and change for parking in Cornwall or set up card payment apps) We enjoyed some exquisite breakfasts and Cinnamon Bun take aways.
Opposite is a bakers that does and amazing Monkey Bread and Pain Au Chocolat at the Pavilion Bakery (37 TR7 1HD)
The Boathouse Charlestown does finger licking amazing crispy Calamari and burgers (Ange says its the best burger she has ever eaten)
A special doughnut (baked in Bude) and good cup of tea at Harbour Light Tea Garden opposite the Witch Museum (PL35 0AG)
A reminder when there is no Land Train! Our walking at The Eden Project (a great day out BTW) was not only painful. But a reminder in the mountain of fitness we both need to climb. Wearing masking in a tropical rainforest biome though… really is swelteringly unpleasant. Video here
Whereas Land’s End was a tourist ‘signpost’ and underwhelming disappointment. (We wecommend The Lizard) A distinct disgusting fishy smell that developed in our car was minging (watch the videos!) Boscastle was magical and intriguing. (We will spend more time in that area on our next visit) The Minack Theater was booked up. So again… next time.
The beaches – especially Fistral Beach, Newquay. Was the tonic to our lockdown ailments. Filming in windy weather, up a cliff was refreshing, invigorating. The negative sea ions cleansed the last year of home pandemic imprisonments.
Filmed on Fistral Beach (in high winds) Music ‘Azure Oceans’ from my new album, Pilgrimage of Elements.
When I am amongst the beauty of nature. I am most alive. When I capture it. To accompany my music. It completes the circle. Performing music live is one of the best feelings.
We enjoyed and captured a beautiful sunset with surfers and beach dwellers too. It reminded me of the hippy vibes, as we sat on Benirrás Beach in Ibiza. Watching the sun go down a few years ago.
In Cornwall – there was space, great food (amazing breakfasts at Fore Street Cafe Bar in Newquay)
Massive thanks to our Airbnb hosts. Good value, lots of cats and really close to the beach.
As we continued our search in Cornwall for the vibes and location to permanently move to… Somerset’s beauty and greenery still beckons. So we aren’t ruling anything out.
I do feel really relaxed after this trip. We always miss our cats when away. We try to fuss every dog about on our trips.
Back to day job work next week.
The Pandemic pressures and events in the NHS for its staff, families and patients have frankly been horrific. It’s lead to a lot of contemplation of what I do and where we go next. To pay the bills. As yes there is a satisfaction of duty that I helped a little bit. There is also no job satisfaction with pressures and feeling helpless shielding, but still working from home during the worst. Now I’m back working on campus. Still feeling like the new girl. With my final module of my CIPS qualification. There is light at the end of the tunnel to fully focus on my passions.
My New Age Album ‘Pilgrimage of Elements’ (Earth Tree Healing) is released August 2021. Lockdown allowed me to embrace more productive time for my creativity and happiness. Whilst also doing more collaborative projects. I’ll be performing acoustically & vibrationally (guitar, hand pan & tongue drums) supporting meditations & community members at Lizian Events Well Being Markets & Pagan Tribal Gathering 2021. Back on the drum kit – Tightening bingo wings with Stinking Rita Band. I’ll also be focussing on my art.
Last night I dreamed of the ocean in a room. A queen size bed with white sheets situated in a field. The sea at one end with waves lapping a grassy shore. I began to ‘film’ this on my iPhone (as I do many of my videos) even though I wasn’t aware it was a dream I was experiencing. To me it was a reality that I didn’t question. To capture the awe, the purity, the power was a beautiful sight and feeling. Next I was then lying in the bed, but looking down from above. I was neither ill or dead in body. Just relaxing. The waves and tide began to flow towards the bed.
The bed then wildly bobbed about in the water, carrying it about the room. An awesome ride. I wasn’t scared. Just excited to witness it.
This dream place I’d arrived it was discovered whilst (in my dream) en route to the toilet. That door was at the back left this ocean room. Ange and I were at one of the Lizian Events Well-being Markets.
Real awake life: Ange and I had been talking about when we’d go to one of the smaller shows at Trowell in Nottingham. I then temporarily woke for an in the night real wee wee. I often have toilet dreams of not being able to pee, or sat naked on toilets in open rooms, with people about and being rather uncomfortable. I then got back in my real world bed and nodded off again, stepping straight back into the dream world. I think the day when I actually pee in a dream.. Will be the time to get a waterproof mattress cover and continence pads. (One has to plan for these things in ones mid 40’s)
Dream: Ange and I watched the TV screen as our Lottery numbers came up. We had won! The relief and elation of being able to chase our real dream felt fantastic, but at the same time..unreal. In this vision. Ange was telling me to resign from my job, I was saying I wanted to finish my course. I then had a conversation with beer and whisky with Ashley, Ange’s business partner. Saying we will look after him financially. We kept trying to find out the amount we’d won.. But this dream didn’t show it.
I keep dreaming lottery wins. Its not a wishful thinking obsession. the intention is to have the opportunity and ability to move to our retreat. But a previous dream did show very clearly. £3.2 Million pounds. 5,7,15,26,33,47.
Real life: We actually spent the drive to the hospital (my workplace) divvying up and listing what we would give to family and some close friends. Being extremely firm about the ‘no and fuck right off’ to the ‘out of the woodwork’ creepers and strangers that would suddenly appear.’ The money will be wisely invested to help others and animal the proper way. Not just for hangers on, the self entitlement believers, users, con artists and false ‘friends.’ The purchase of the Earth Tree Retreat – The triple bottom line. Which will benefit people, the local economy, sustainability and eco living. Paying off mortgages and the purchase of a Villa for Family to use. If one thing lockdown did for me and Ange. It was accepting it really is time to take action and move. Planning, procrastinating, dreaming and deciding our rat race escape.
Maybe the ongoing Reiki meditation practice, Mugwort biscuits and full body CBD oil massage treat last weekend did something. I have slept the deepest of sleeps this week. Nature’s herbs have wonderful relaxing effects and benefits. Maybe it was the brussel sprouts with dinner last night, or the non-filtered water with the cup of tea with a ‘film’ on it from NHS office taps and scaly kettles…
Real awake life: Yesterday as I was fussing the cats. I thought I’d lock the window ‘ajar’ so they get a little breeze in ‘their’ bedroom, as they like to sit on the window sniffing the air, looking at the birdies and world go by. Then a thought, feeling popped into my head… What if some sudden cloud, pollution, something bad or swarm of bees comes…They will get in?
I hesitated, but left it ajar. Later that evening after work, I perused the news briefly. To see a ‘close your windows advice’ a large industrial fire pumping out smoke across the city centre. Not too far from where we live. But looking at the map. Not too near either. Coincidence? Are we in the Matrix?
Upon discussing this… Ange said ‘You need to start writing, blogging your dreams again.’
Well dear readers.. Get ready for some weird shit!
Also in last night’s dream adventure. I was at my Auntie’s house.. but it wasn’t. It had many rooms I don’t recognise, a little inner/outdoors square space, surrounded by odd buildings and rooms.. As a wandered about. I entered an outside rivers edge. There were small furry animals. A bit like Lemmings. I then saw a huge Otter beast. She looked at me, and then collected her little furry babies. Put them in her den. I tried to indicate I was no threat. She then began to attack me, lunging.
Flash cut scene to a dusty sandy, hot place abroad. Wandering, witnessing dream humans interactions. A sandy ditch when one of my old bosses was, who had bought the plot. A group of them walked into it and pointed. He picked up some kind of wooded carved tribal doll and looked very worried… As if their land had been marked.
The Law of attraction is to get the funds to set up our retreat. I work relentlessly on channeling and creating music. We both work hard and don’t claim benefits. I hope I can earn enough from it to sustain us. The retreat and the land it is on, whilst using modern innovations and technology. Needs to utilize sustainability. Looking at its carbon footprint, renewable energy. I want mostly off the grid but the real escape is to be around like minded folk with shared goals. The kind of campfire harmony of happiness, discussion, activities and off the land living.
Ange’s new businesses (Fenix Flames and of of the Directors at Fenix Flames publishing – which treats the authors a lot fairer, and encourages their creativity, than some publishers) that are the building blocks to her sustenance have many branches that all link up to Earth Tree Healing. It’s not ‘all about the money.’ We are very much driven with on our own integrity. We’ve all been twats and done twattish and regrettable things. Some folk learn from them and grow. Like I say… As long as we have enough abundance to survive and be comfortable. We want to give back. Complete and enhance the cycle. I’ve seen so many unhappy people with, money in the bank, possessions, nice holidays, good jobs. But all they want to have sometimes is love. Being along whilst not alone is a reality. Being alone, whilst alone can be an unbearable emptiness. I’ve found spiritual practices, I’m not talking religion – as I am not religious. I believe in lots, have faith in energies, spirit guides and beyond. Whatever gives you happiness and hope. The greater good. The selfless soul. The connected kind. Finding your tribe. We all want a good life and a good death when we exit.
We can’t take possessions with us to the next life. What we can do is make positive impacts on this one, whilst adventuring and learning our lessons. Sometimes the body and memories fade. Which is another reason; Ange and I document and make videos of our adventures. Posterity.
This weekend, as well as my 2nd Covid vaccination. (Hoping I’m not going to feel as lethargic this time) _ Like I said, growing gills and mutating into an amphibian before 60, is not my first choice of the dream bod, but I will give it a go kids! Variety, spice and all that jazz.
We will begin de junking our house, selling, giving away, and donating items that no longer serve us. Bar sentimental possessions. A declutter, tidy and creating space is a good thing for us. I’m a big fan and believer of ‘pay it forward’ and synchronicity, serendipity.
I’ve also pre warned our neighbour to ignore the screaming abuse and shouting that will ensure. Unfortunately and hysterically for some. (If you have ever travelled in our car with us and witnessed it) Every time we try to clear up the space behind the TV, under the stairs. A rage engulfs us both. Team work makes the dream work. Domestic Blitz! This week already, the tape measure has caused upset, anger with incorrect measurements. The Poof in the middle of the living room gets in my way, Ange loves it, fills it with shit. (Oops her shit… it’s not shit) I wanted to make an ‘Adventures with Clange’ time-lapse and documentary of this. Ange said no! Because she knows the row will affect our ‘public upstanding citizen reputation’ into foul mouthed angry stubborn bitches that can’t play nice together. This is why we don’t play ‘Monopoly’ or ‘Risk’ together anymore. With trivial bickerings. We both deeply love each other.
As I lay in the bed uneasy. I knew, felt it, sensed it. Circling our log cabin, slowly. No noise. But it was there. I tried to tell myself it was just owls in the surrounding woods. I lay awake all night in a heightened state of terror.
Earlier that evening. Whilst enjoying a log burner, relaxing evening. I’d suddenly got a rush of dread, demanded that Ange immediately close and lock the patio doors and shut all curtains. Things can’t see in…
Something in the beginnings of that dark night summoned itself scared me deeply.
It has been a September stay in Somerset. With a hot tub, day trip to Lyme Regis, Adventures. We had arrived relieved and excited for a relaxing break.
I’ve always felt and sensed more than some. A curse in some ways. In others a blessing of super feelings. My dreams have always been graphically real, strange. If my passing from this life is as exciting and psychedelic as these and leads me to peace, I have no complaints! Walking through the veil can leave be miffed, disturbed and exhausted upon waking. It also brings fantastic feelings of hope, positivity Guardian Angel reassurance. They present a beautiful feminine and recognised energy to me and visit in differing forms.
When I encounter earth bound recognitions. It’s inspiring, gets me out of fugs and funks. Restores faith in the good souls.
Whatever ‘it’ was, I knew that if it had entered our cabin. If I’d have seen it. I would have been changed forever. I did feel danger physically.
I don’t believe it was just an animal either. I had werewolves and got myself in a right state about it for hours of restless terror.
When I told Ange about it the next morning. She had slept soundly. Putting it down to be de-stressing from work. I felt different and strongly disagreed.
I’ve never forgotten this experience. I would never be brave enough to confront what lurked that night. Apart from that one strange night. We had a wonderful time.
Do I fear dangerous humans? Or the darkness that lurks.
Moonlight, starry skies. The changing from dusk to dawn is magical. Some of formative years were spend sleepless and nocturnal. Working night shifts, walking home to the sunrise and comfort, deepest of sleep and daytime dreams.
The visitations more intense.
Going back ever younger, as a child. One night the multiple voices were chattering. In the room I shared with my Sister, in my head? I recall shouting “Stop!”
I’d sometimes think about skeletons, and feel a deep emptiness.
A curiosity with the great beyond has been present from early childhood.
Whatever gifts we are given. A certain responsibility comes with them.
How much to share before judgements are made? Sharing with the likeminded.
The fascinating mind, thoughts, experiences. Past lives, flashes, Deja vu. Regression, answers lead to acceptance and focus on journeys.
When I moved back to live at my parents, after a ‘lost time’ renting rooms. Or the occasions before that when I’d stayed in my old bedroom.
I’d be asleep, or dozing. Suddenly.. I felt something approaching on the landing. It would enter the room (door closed) go to the end of the bed. Then walk up my legs and sit.
Initially I was silently freaked out. Feeling a physical presence. Not wanting to look in case I saw ‘it.’ Falling asleep and upon waking, telling myself it’s just me dreaming.
But the repetition. This entity didn’t feel bad. It’s felt quite positive. There energy, I can only describe as ‘shimmering.’
Fast forward to Ange and I getting together and embracing our spiritual path.
I mentioned it after another encounter. She instantly said – it’s your Grandads dog. She is looking after your dad.
It was Katie. A Yorkshire Terrier. ( now the size of the physical experience made sense )
I felt relief, emotional. I remember that doggie from childhood.
Ange helps others now with ‘house cleansing.’ If a spirit is causing a problem, it’s ok. Ange helps them into the light. Helps them release ties with this world. Sometimes they are stranded, stubborn, or just don’t realise they are dead. Scared to face the music after things they have done whilst alive..
When I was in the folk band ‘The Idolins’ we had met in a pub beer garden. A few drinks later. I was conversing with friend about some difficulties he was experiencing. It took a strange and frightening turn of events. I suddenly felt tight chested. Like something suddenly grabbed me. It felt like claws digging in. Freaking out I shouted Ange. She ‘saw it.’ Grabbed it and removed it.
I could breathe again. A dark entity? Soul, Demon? That when I realised Ange’s true abilities with these things. Some of the people there found it funny, sniggering. Spoke volumes to me.
Another realisation in life- when hanging about the wrong sorts – for me, not fitting in. Thinking all along, it’s my social insecurities. When all along – it’s just incompatibility. Being around genuine spiritual folk makes me far more comfortable. At that time I was opening up . My energies were open…. Maybe too open, when made me vulnerable to an attempted attachment of something. A lesson for me… it took a while… years.
Even though I’m very open about myself and beliefs. I thrive in good compatible company. It makes it so much easier to understand why I struggle so much in muggleland. The escape plan is very real… and enjoyable.
Whatever doors, a jar, fully opened. I think are part of my gifts. My creativity cannot be capped off, put away. It only bursts out with a happy vengeance. This is why the channeling of music is not only self therapy. But a life’s work. Maybe angels, others are speaking through my fingers. As like I’ve said before. I have very few memories of performing. The ‘trance’ is blissful. The result recorded sounds wonderful to me. I don’t question it. I just go with it with gratitude.
There was a flat we lived in Basford. A previous relationship and girlfriend that also saw dead people. My Grandma Ivy ( I think ) … a blond woman sat regularly at the end of our bed often. Something terrifying, claustrophobic lurked there, it was a very unhealthy place that made me ill – as well as the damp. my girlfriend moved out. My mum ended up
kicking off with the estate agents. Before I moved to a house. I ended up getting dumped, truly heart broken and went through a messy time, a lonely time, a self destructive time. From this.. getting dragged into other peoples dramas… has done me no good in life. The older I get. The effects and mental drain get worse. Even though I have a bursting desire to genuinely help others. I have to walk away and shut off. I’m not a councillor or therapist. Practice of Reiki, music, thrashing the cross trainer, good food and meditation. The love of Ange, our pets, family, good friends… Adventures and spiritual positive living help me.
I may have an active imagination. But I pick up ‘vibes.’ I just have a radar of highly attuned sensitivity to some things. Whilst switching off to a lot of what I feel – mundane day to day stuff.
Then there was the happenings at flat at Bestwood Park….the chains….ancient burial grounds….. when I woke and saw him.
Big high five to the weirdos, the unaccepted, the folks on your spirituality journeys. It’s a hell of a ride.
Being amongst your tribe is endearing. Having been an outsider, the difficult misunderstood angry, sulky and strange middle child, Lesbian, 5 feet 11″ tall, needing corrective facial surgery for a deformity at 19 years old. More tomboy than girlie girl. Never have and never will fit in. (maybe in another life for the shits and giggles?) Some elements society have not been kind in this one. Social, emotional coping at times is hard, continues. We are the creation of our genetics, Soul Journey, experiences, past lives and environments. My compensation for this has always been the gift musical and artistic talent. The ability to become the hermit and nomad wannabe – with the travel (Escape from ‘Muggletown’) Out of it all. I acknowledge what causes me stress and anxiety, work on how to make that better. Still piss Ange off – my Lady love of life and drive her up the walls and to despair at times. But we have more fun than domestics. (Ange do a pie chart if you want to argue!) P.S. total grammatical correctness eludes me.
On a side thought… you know when you wake up and the whole bedroom smells of fart, was it me, was it Ange? Was it both? As teamwork makes the dream work.
By no means do I music envy major financial success and fame. If I have enough to be comfortable and pay the bills. I’m blessed. The interbred in-crowd bum chums self back patting is not for me. Put me in a room of strangers and ask me to network, talk ‘the’ talk. You simply put me in a nightmare. A face that never fitted even after surgery is fine by me. Focus on creation of ones art and music, and making that good, inspired, energy that flows from somewhere of beautiful connection. Put me in a room of like minded spiritual folk and it all becomes a hell of a lot easier.
On the note of escape. Neither of us pretend to want to remain in Nottingham. We want out. It is time to move on. If I had the opportunity tomorrow. I’d pack my knickers and the cats and go! Ange and I, with a serendipitous worlds colliding discussion over the weekend, lightbulb moments, (Bamboo style salt lamp for us – Thanks Dathan!) of another Ange and synchronicity thrown in. Hope and happiness, opportunities of a better future. Our goal and dream is to live on, work on and open to likeminded souls, the Earth Tree Retreat. We’ve looked at Somerset, Lincolnshire, Wales, Canada, Portugal, other countries. Planning permission is challenging. Money needs to be manifested. We are prepared to start off in our caravan in a field.
But Cornwall… Yes Cornwall! Small seeds, big ideas. Wild flower fields. Practical business beginnings….. Guitars…..Art 😉
The mere mention of the ins and outs of human interaction and imposed restrictions, mask wearing and social distancing. Debating the corrupt shit show that the present procrastinating UK Government is….= Sleaze, cronyism, lobbying, PPE procurement scandals… Shameful, disappointing but not surprising. Greed over life and well being. It goes on and on… Karma, Karma, Karma. The Agarthians, Greys, Reptilians, Tall Whites, must be face planting until it makes a sucky slapping sound…. unless of course…
For all of the arguments, conspiracies, fact, fiction, propaganda, manipulation and opinion. I work in the NHS. I chose that career ‘day job’ because I wanted to help serve patients, poorly people, do something good. It’s not easy, stressful at times. But I’m grateful of the opportunities given. The choice in life to sloth, do nothing with it, receive benefits, ‘poor me’ for ‘poor me’s’ sake or…drum roll… work hard, train, get education, create and embrace opportunities and contribute. Is far more satisfying to me personally. (Disclaimer for the people with real genuine needs) – excluding the fakers, ‘can’t cook, as don’t need to cook, when its all offered on a plate.’ ‘Can do but won’t do.’ Lazy ones whose own worlds apparently owe them something. Now I know some of you cherubs think you have had it hard. There is always someone worse off. It’s not all about you.
On a serious note though. If you are struggling, do seek help. It’s very easy to give advice, rather than deal with your own problems. There is mostly a solution to things. We’ve been given the greatest gift of life adventures. Wasting it, as it’s sometimes far too short, is a regret once you take that peek back from the big sky. Don’t let the bastards get you down either.
We sets me off? PMT, dark winters, work stress. (For however much longer I stay in the NHS very much depends on my experiences in the next 6 months) Keeping topped up with Spiritual practices, meditation/Reiki, exercise, fruit and veg, music, vitamin D and a few good supplements helps my moods immensely. Joy vacuums are best avoided. I have a great faith and strength in the fact that everything is OK. The folk who drag me into their problems, every single time I see them.. it’s a drain. It’s an absolute pleasure when I spend time fun. I was discussing the other day about that rollercoaster some of us experience with people. Sometimes the ones that you look up to, get inspired, learn from massively let themselves and you down with bad actions and behaviours. I’ve found. Sometimes people are in your life for a time, not forever for a reason. It’s an interesting journey. Never lose hope. Not everyone is a fooking wanker! But…. I’m never surprised at the barrage of moaners that are not prepared to stand up and take productive action with their issues. Bitterness and Ego are a recipe for disaster.
Here you go: the advice from 1000 self help books. In a world where the only one that can truly help you once guided (if needed) is actually (newsflash) you. A place where its easier to say rather than do. Denial is a disease. It’s sitting on a bench, looking at a crappy view of a wall, letting pigeons shit on your head.
I also don’t fancy getting a nasty virus so am being extra careful. The End. Well anyway….
During a UK pandemic lockdown easing and happening of our first Well Being Market in April 2021. So, the weekend 24th & 25th April 2021. Our first wellbeing Show, post lockdown easing. Ange and I were very excited. Hardly slept… a negative Lateral Flow Test later. Nostril ticking, throat gag reflex.
Having kept sensible and safe and possibly very lucky too – (this is not a blame game for those who decide to superspread Covid Juice, possibly to vulnerable others, who possibly don’t have super human love and light immune systems.. with their own beliefs)
Just maybe if the dictatorial ‘influencers’ and the spreaders of doom and gloom, hate could maybe be more influential to their social media readers. If they actually just posted positive stuff, ideas, inspiration, their very own fabulous experiences… Hey Ho kidlets …. I see, read, terrible things that humans do. Humans = Kingdom of cock nuggets! Conspiracies – some scary, some hilarious, some food for thought, some poorly evidenced. I’m glad Netflix saved me from reading some of the shite spouted.
2 UK lockdowns later. Our first vaccination done. I’ve not mutated into a reptilian yet. But have cookies, 50p and a Mars bar, organic produce and Tena Lady on hand if needed.
It all is given to Angela Barker if I clog pop (Will is written) and please do help animals.
We had both arrived at the very well ventilated, helping prevent others being on ventilators venue in Newark, Nottinghamshire! Lizian Events Well Being Market. Reassured with completed with negative Lateral Flow tests, followed up with Negative results after the show (Yes a responsible thing to do, yes nothing is 100%) yes there is a YouTube video for just about everything.
I’ve got some underlying health box tickers. I am also mostly responsible for my lifestyle choices, past and present dear health Gurus. I don’t like lurgy of any kind at the best of times or having the shits. So, even though only space suits and ‘no one can hear you scream’ territory are possibly better protection. A medical mask, not a cloth fashion statement…. whilst wandering amongst population may offer some protection from covid/other spatter juice. If someone spat in your face. Would you rather be wearing a mask, or open your mouth and accept the full on phlegm monster is coming? Your choice. I still remember poor Sue on checkouts at Tesco, who was the correct small height for customers sneezing literally directly in her face. A job I suffered in and was always ill in. = Touching money, close public contact, viruses. Glad I left. Some good memories of some fun folks and times though. Lots of bad memories of dick heads (staff and customers) and abuse. Glad I got out, grew up, learned a few harsh lessons and became a better person.
So…I spent the weekend, mainly outside playing my hand pan & tongue drums. Supporting Taiji, with Dr Don & Carol Harradine. ‘Dance of Life.’
Alan Wood (Native American Traditions) Sage Cleansing Ceremony. Angela Barker – Fenix Flames Guided Meditations. (I took my acoustic guitar. I’ll wait until the June Show for more performing)
I’d kicked off the weekend vibrationally with The Pyramid Lady – Gong Sound Therapy by Richard Hissitt. I had a session. Solfeggio tuned metal healing pipes.
Whilst in session I experienced pulsing waves of purple, angelic wings, a feeling of heat, safety, alignment with the Universe. Afterwards, pain relied in my knees, well being, relaxation.
Even though I’ve worked with sound and vibrations most of my life. I was a gong bath virgin until a few years ago. Now I’m an addict. I’ve encountered other worldly beings and bliss. If you’ve not tried one. I can only but recommend.
Music has kept me occupied, satisfied, and accomplished during this hell of a strange 12 Months. Freedom in Pandemic Prison. The meditation escape. Fabulous darlings.
The weekend was a success. Great community spirit. I’m trying to work my way round talking to the exhibitors show by show, to get to know them and what they do. Such a treat after shielding through what has been a long dark winter.
I have my CD’s now for sale. I’m not a sales woman. 18 years of abuse and personal insecurities working in retail. That damage imprint is lasting. Sometime small children take one look at me and their faces say ‘what are you?’ Bob 2? I put the ones that don’t get or connect with me off with Claud vibes.. It grips Anges shit! Can’t talk the talk. Leave it to Ange, best way. She is focusing on her businesses Fenix Flames/Publishing & Angela Barker Tarot. Here business and financial survival (not through the governments grants through lockdown as being newly self employed was entitled to nothing. We sleep better knowing we did not vote them in) Survival through the Lockdowns and thriving business is a testimony to how successful and good she is as a Tarot Reader. She has not stopped. Just adapted readings to do them virtually. Being able to support and help others positively is a life satisfying career.
Maybe in time again I’ll get better at sales technique. So I stick to what I love and a good at – musical contributions at the shows. Lockdown provided the finances for CD duplication of some of my Earth Tree Healing albums.
Yes a blatant plug here if you want a physical copy via Fenix Flames >>>Music
Ange and Ashley are the sales and business talent and drive for not only Fenix Flames with, but for Earth Tree Healing. A massive gratitude high five. Especially Ash for helping with the CD artwork duplications and bits.
Too many great people and businesses to mention at the show.
Enormous thanks to Liz and Ian for their continued support and opportunities.
We originally began as visitors to the shows. Through them, we’ve met friends for life, learned lots via the talks, networked, spent lots on nice and esoteric gifts. Established businesses as stall holders thanks to their support. Honoring the memory and creations of Sarah Louise Kay.
Remember if you do anything this week… be kind. I don’t judge what you identify as. People/Aliens to be are beyond a physical presence. It is your soul honey. You can be a celestial megagon sided rainbow non binary with flashing lights, cheesecake as hair, with bum warts that whistle, that is referred to only by thought, if it makes you feel acknowledged important, noticed and nice. If you behave badly, that is what you are remembered as and known as to me.
Music Links and Kindle Link to my book, ‘Claudsville Blogs and Biog of a Bog Woppit.’
I’d been looking forward to annual leave from my NHS day job for months. We should have been going to Cyprus. (But that certain pandemic put a stop to that!) So on 1st April 2021. We travelled to Mablethorpe on the east coast of middle England and it’s surrounding coast on a Clange road trip – our first visit to the sea in months. It was really cold. On our 10th Handfasting Anniversary. The desolation of pre season pandemic seaside towns, that look like a zombie apocalypse movie set, with an endless sea of empty caravans. Just added to my feelings of bleakness whilst searching for sunshine. But the Nutella doughnuts were good. Video below.
A positive though is that it has enabled us to invest in 7 of my Earth Tree Healing albums duplicated onto CD to sell – via
Taking full advantage of lockdown confinement. I’ve just completed a new ambient album in my home studio called Pilgrimage of Elements. Music Links
What stemmed from seeing a word #Werifesteria on a friends social media post (thanks Don!). ‘Werifesteria’ – verb meaning to wander longingly through the forest in search of mystery.’ This set me off on and exploration without physical boundaries.
Connection to Earth (Werifesteria) Water (Azure Oceans) Fire (Sacred Fire) Air (Anima) and Spirit (Divine Journey)
Tracks are just under 10 mins each. The music is less melodic, more ambient. Very nice to meditate to. The track ‘Sacred Fire’ features a recording of tribal drumming round the fire at a Pagan Tribal Gathering Camp.
This year, as I explore the countryside on new ‘Adventures With Clange.’ I’ll add footage to the music.
Whilst I experience a blissful state composing. Something dark affected me badly last week. It’s been creeping up on me again for a while. I had put it down to exam nerves, relentless working fatigue. Working from home has its ups and downs, but I am very grateful my bosses have kept me safe and workplace has been really supportive with wellbeing for staff. I’m so glad I have Ange to talk to about this stuff. Who really helps sort ‘me’ out.
I have loved being in the company and pestered by our cats Pattie & Rambo (even though we lost Tipsy last year, I was lucky to spend lockdown #1 with her, unknowing at the time she would have to be put to sleep in November. Which broke our hearts. Check out @clangecats on Instagram.
Ange works from home anyway downstairs, so I located myself upstairs. As to not get on each other’s boobage. I’d felt really quite unwell mentally and physically recently. Anxiety was creeping back. Neglect of the basics of wellness is not good for me. I’d talked about it with Ange. She asked if I was still taking my vitamin D? I’d stopped the extra high strength dose a few months ago to have a break, whilst trying different supplements. Well….. there is a lesson again for me, during a winter that I’ve spent shielding indoors. It’s felt really cold and dark. My blissful safe 4 walls has kept me safe and warm. The cross trainer providing exercise. But the 4 walls had begun to make me feel trapped. I craved green trees and blue skies. I kept telling myself all these mind chatter negatives and problems were smaller than I thought. Everything will be and is actually all good.
Constant fatigue, mind fog, generally feeling off, muscle aches, lack of energy.
The lack of the Sun. That wonderful warmth that bursts through clouds to recharge body and soul had been lacking. I’d managed a brief bicycle ride after getting mine serviced. But sat in a bitter cold wind, cursing myself for not braving cold walks outdoors. My whisker biscuit temporarily ruined again, getting used to the saddle! Ouch! My knees sound crunchier than crushing crackling. Self rage. Missed opportunities. But this Lockdown has seen healthier eating habits form and weight loss.
Am I Peri-Menopausal? Something is definitely changing in that department. Being in my mid forties now. Having to get varifocals too. Wow. With that comes hobbies, such as an extreme liking for visiting garden centers and comparing cheese scones. Whilst getting routine medical things back on track (hunt my Cervix for my smear test has been another drama! and that’s another story best served cold graphically with friends and family!!!! – The 3rd medical profession found it! )
I’d tried an apple cider vinegar supplement capsules. (As wanted to to get away from drinking shots.) Unfortunately they constipated me and gave me tummy ache.. Gutted.
So what did I do? That I personally feel helps me.
I started again on high dose vitamin D, Meditation, a quality Royal Jelly tablet added. (Along with already taking Turmeric and Bee Propolis.)
Reconnected with Reiki – as I do when I meditate.
The blue healing candle on my music altar burned unusually high and brightly. Rambo cat came in the room meowing, woke me with a start, back into the muggle land matrix. Then the smoke alarm went off. Terrifying all in the house!
I had a CIPS (Chartered Institute of Procurement and Supply) exam yesterday at college. A retake, as I’m really not academic my memory is shot. I revise and revise. The experiences of failing exams,(especially nasty when it’s 2% from a pass!) on a subject such as commercial contracting for example – something I neither have personal interest in, nor job experience – is a punch in the fanny. But you get knocked down. The drive to complete, finish the course gets one back up again.. after a pity party, disappointed tutor of course. A change of approach to study time, utilising more resources for the theory understanding. When exam questions seem gibberish, unintelligible – the rot of self doubt, shame, frustration and incompetence creeps in. Then the ‘Claud – you are a creative! Once this qualification is complete. You can fully focus on your bliss again…and have life back…. kicks in. ‘Ange will also remind you how fooking mardy and miserable you have been. I just need to stop trying to fit in, in muggle land. It was never meant to be for me. Can’t talk the talk, or kiss the arses. Lockdown isolation from people has generated an even bigger rethink of ones future. Just got to make it happen. Working for the greater good, sacrifices selfish gain.. I can live with that (Enough rahing on Claud!!! Well Anyway!)
Balancing this – an apprenticeship level 4 Diploma, full time day job work and being a musician/composer. (Violins in background, tiny ones too) Really is a challenge. This year I’ll complete. 2 years later… But better to have done it during a year of lockdown and achieved another qualification for day job work. Having spoken to fellow students and their struggles with this course. I now do not feel as bad and traumatized as before. I need to stop being so harsh with myself. In hindsight. My lack of ability to concentrate had also, I believe been part of my vitamin D deficiency symptoms. On top of my obligatory seasonal SAD issues.
Those that moan of lack of time, motivation or boredom. Get off your arses, do not wine to me! Nothing is free, hard work pays off. It might not be pleasant and will piss you off and tire you out. Procrastinating is non productive. A wasted life is bitter spent. ‘Poor me’ is easy, pro activity pays off, you don’t need to read a fucking self help book to find that one out.
I met and fell in love with ‘Godzilla.’ A tortoise. You hold them like a burger. Listening to his breath, and him kicking me with surprisingly strong legs, has left me filled with a surprisingly huge new found affection. They are going to find him a girlfriend at West Notts College. Love him.
We drove up to The Peak District at the weekend. (Now lockdown rules are relaxing and remaining very careful and socially distancing…. and our use of home lateral flow tests to keep friends and family safe) we’ve both had our first vaccine doses. The AstraZeneca one. Only side effects for both of us was fatigue the next day. (A duvet day helped and lost weekend) If I start growing gills at 50 and mutating…Well at least I’d had had a few good holidays.
Fresh air, amazing views. Beautiful, snowy, great fish and chips.
Clange Video here
So in conclusion. I’m starting to feel much better, sleeping better. That inner and outer wellbeing feeling is returning. The world is not so dark. Spring has sprung pretty blossoms. Looking forward to a summer of safe adventures, even if we cant leave the UK. As ever thank you Ange for putting up with me, loving me and supporting me when I’m a Twunt.
Take care, be kind, adventure, be happy – Claudine
In other news: My winter PlayStation gaming is done. Playing Days Gone and The Last of Us 2 have been nightmare winter inducing zombie games. Fortunately neither have turned me into a crazed potential murderer or violent individual.
Not watching the drivel of the doom mongering news, has enabled mind wellness. A pursuit into physical and spiritual wellness follows. More time spent connecting with trees.
Massive thanks to the following YouTube creators for getting us through lockdown after Netflix and The Mandalorian. I’d not chosen to read books, as found my mind was too exhausted studying and I have a tendency to fall asleep, neverminded how riveting. Maybe I’ll try audio books. These are a few of our discoveries and favorites. As well as Friday night virtual foodie adventures exploring the planet virtually and planning our own.
As spring catapults my happy vibes into sunshine land. A few days annual leave in lockdown has allowed some serious home studio time. (A needed break from NHS day job land) I spent the day composing & recording FRIGG for my 2022 album – GODDESS 2. I wanted to experiment and challenge myself with a lot more live instruments, rather than just midi sounds on Logic Pro X. A brilliant wellbeing boost. We had got up early to venture to the river (a local blessing during pandemic restrictions) having done a long walk the previous day (for us) on the journey to better fitness. My knees were murderous following it. Venturing out, whilst social distancing during shielding is a novelty. But after lockdown #1 over indulgences and laziness during working from home. (It’s started so well too!) We have both incorporated healthier eating and much needed exercise into lockdown 3. No crisps on the monthly internet shop! I do love Ange’s swearing and BF’s when we get the delivery of bulk goods that she lugs into the kitchen. Rarely will we need to visit supermarkets now. Farm shops selling local produce from small businesses is our weekly fresh shopping. I can’t thank The Real Milk Company enough.
It’s a long, but sensible road ahead…. (I won’t be posting weigh ins on social media – as it pisses me off when others do it, to only put twice as much weight back on, once their ‘diets’ end) We are entertaining some of the secret stalkers and virtually interacting with Ange’s family down south with ‘Ange’s lockdown Gousto live cooking videos’ and other troffing experiences. We can’t eat out, so eating in is the new thing. Can’t beat a good cull and unfollow or others uninteresting, joy vacuuming negative and argumentative shite. Give me Batzilla the bat or @celinaspookboo frankly hilarious sleepwalking exploits on TikTok any day.
Ours is a gradual lifestyle change. Removal of unhealthy snacks and better managing portion sizes, along with exercise is making both of us feel better.
Watching the sunrise through river mists is an ethereal experience. Whilst hints of winter still cools ones toes. The sunshine warms up my hope for better days of freedom outdoors and normality. With our April Cyprus holiday cancelled. Ange & my sister in law are surprising us with a mystery 2022 big holiday abroad. I love a good surprise! We frantically scrambled to book a short Cornwall break (lockdown end permitting) in May. So at least we get to see the sea. Fingers, legs and fanny crossed!
Ange had her covid vaccine. So whilst pandering to her every need (as she had mine afterwards) copious cups of tea. I spent Sunday 28th Feb 2021 having a wonderful indulgent time improvising aka composing. Featuring acoustic guitar, tongue drums, kalimba, tambourine, baroque organ and love eggs. Whereas filming myself does disrupt my creative flow slightly, it really is a great way to remember my journey. Watch my video of the session here. A really good accomplished day. It also feels good to get out of a PMT driven funk.
It’s 5am. Our cat Rambo is pestering me in bed, and being a pesky annoyance harassing us for the last few nights lots…in his springtime excitement
My arm is hurting. Otherwise – feeling pretty good so far. Bar lethargic today and needed an afternoon kip.
I received a shielding letter yesterday – even though I’ve been very safe, careful and home working for the majority of the pandemic. I have some box ticking underlying health conditions. (Which I’m working on to improve, with support from my health providers)
Yes sometimes in moments my worse fears have been present. To my knowledge I haven’t had COVID or needed to test for it. But for all I know maybe I have? I’ve had the odd few days in the last year of feeling a bit rough, some sinus headaches, weather changes and a nasty UTI when Tipsy our cat got ill and put to sleep.
All those other viruses did not just go away. Bar getting it from the local cob shop. We’ve been pretty lucky when ‘super spreading’ has been allegedly rife everywhere.
We had a good virtual catch up via Zoom with friends last night. Netflix binge watching recommendations were plentiful. Along with a hilarious sleepwalking ‘checkout operator’ In bed story. Involving the contents of bedside cabinet being scanned into ‘under the covers.’ The realisation that nearly a year of this has gone by. Reminiscent recalls of those old times of hugs, holidays and socialising in the flesh. Wow! Facebook memory lane!
Watched a really funny film ‘Booksmart.’ Our sense of humour too.
With an easing of lockdown in the UK on the horizon. We are accepting – this year will, in many ways be restricted with movement and interaction with loved ones. This thing can’t last forever… well we will see!
Making the most of a crazy circumstance been the enabler for us : A productive working from home regime with the many facets of what we do.
Indeed opportunities knocked, were manifested and embraced. Adapt and conquer, or don’t.
With an improved and growing international reach of my Music. Ange’s businesses in the world of Tarot, book publishing, herbs, oils & candles are thriving.
Survival – financially, physically, practically and emotionally was the goal from lockdown 1. Yes we did it.
Be in no doubt, we have had our ‘moments.’ Some domestic arguments, irritated each other at times.
But perseverance and positive thinking remains the dominant thing. Days job stresses are my main trigger, followed by the approach to perimenopausal beginnings. Yes some low days. (See previous blog) But mainly good and productive days.
From the start of lockdown 1. I made a promise to myself to be productive with my passion – music. An album ‘GODS’ some enriching and ongoing collaborative work. I’m now working on a new album Goddess 2 for 2022. Let us not forget, the release of our live, raw improvised album via Stinking Rita band – Live From Studio Five (recorded in between lockdown restrictions last year in a rehearsal studio)
Spare time from full time day jobsy in the NHS & studying for a CIPS qualification is spent musically. (Bar killing a few zombie hoards on the PlayStation) it has become a productive Groundhog Day.
Leisure time is spent holidaying and exploring otherworldly interests and posting cooking videos via YouTube.
After a brief cold spell. We are venturing out locally for nature walks- the cross trainer has been my winter mode of good sweats.
Ange & I have indeed become weary and frustrated of our lack of freedom to travel – but have been good girls with the imposed ‘rules.’ The long dark winter months are never a favourite time of the year. Switching off the horrors, speculations of the media and reading books, listening to podcasts has been the way for me to distract from the shite of what we are presented with.
Disconnection has been healthy for me – as am not a social butterfly. Becoming even less so over the years. Keeping good friends close and everyone else at a distance virtually is good for me. Yes you can see my activities and sharings, (a record of memories for Clange)
I don’t look much at what others are up to, which in some ways is disconnecting.
In our home environment – we are de cluttering slowly. Filling every wall space left in the house with wall tapestries. Mystical additions to salt lamps with mellow lighting has improved our surroundings and limited space.
I did have a very busy and in some ways shitty dark January- good riddance you sticky stinky arsehole with fleas and piles!
Even my sad lamp stuttered. But a Gousto delivered meals regime of some very nice food, cooked live on Facebook & YouTube 4 nights a week by Ange is like eating out, at home.
Whilst not costing us the earth. Our food waste has definitely declined. It’s just the extra cardboard packaging. (That we recycle)
This new, free from supermarket visits life is great. Once a month, a staple goods online delivery. Weekly fresh food from Gousto & our farm shop. Has saved time & money for us.
We have enjoyed some weekend takeaway deliveries from ‘Filthy Vegan.’ A monster kebab with hot sauce!
As a regime of gradual and healthy weight loss fills us with wellbeing. (the odd blip week when the scales just say – “slightly disappointed, but don’t give up- if you don’t order naughty snacks – you can’t eat them bitches.”
Lessons… progress. Positive habit changes.
Ange did a lovely thing the other day. We are both very aware that others are not as fortunate as us. We are by no means wealthy with money. We are abundant and grateful of everything else.
We had a good month. So Ange went out and bought and donated some staple food stuffs (and a cake for the volunteers) who are providing cheap and free cooked meals at a local community centre.
Whilst also supporting animal charities, which we continue to do. It’s nice to not be selfish.
A big high five to those of you that have fund raised for good causes, volunteered, done your bit and philanthropists. Paying it forward feels good.
We were talking last night about how judgemental and dictatorial some folk have become… these post notification social media keyboard warriors, self professed experts ‘Ranting Twats’ in their chosen field of being fucking obnoxious and entitled. Yep.. we’ve all seen it and cringed, unfollowed, un friended. Not that this virtual reality of social media ‘friendships’ truly fills the void of human to human interaction.
The path to Dystopian nightmares in gaining traction. With technological distraction.
Ban your mobile phone for an hour and focus on the physical… wow… therapy for the addicts.
Weaned off the loneliness of virtual reality… now that is an impossible task for some.
I remember 10p in a phone box was the thing when I was a kid.
How times have changed.
Along with living amongst potholes, bodge jobs with no longevity of the fix, (as there is no money, a lot of wasted money in a failed energy company too. Why, when you are not experts or the monopoly in that field even attempt it!) – have a looksie too at Denmark’s plastic recycled roads. Oh and really bad inconsiderate drivers are everywhere, road hogging cyclists and a city that needs some TLC when it opens up again. I have visions of cities in the Walking Dead!
Then, there are the ones, that are able to articulate sensibly their opinions and have a decent debate, when these things differ from others. I prefer them.
Ange and I are intrigued by some Nordic areas and ways of life and are planning a visit.
I’m not a fan of the greyness and unsustainable greed of cities.
Ethical and sustainable approaches in business and living is paramount to our future.
Even though Ange and I are craving travel and road trips. (And are adventuring in food atm) Planning and researching is fun and fills us with excitement. Most importantly – hope.
Nearly a year of Pandemic (for whatever the real truths are around this thing) has left us restricted, grieving, struggling at times, but mainly resilient, productive and resourceful. Some have not opted for that route. I’ve interacted and listened with people who have experienced isolation, fear, rejection, mental health issues and it’s really is a sad thing.
Anxiety (I’ve had some worrying episodes) is the controlling mystery monster that never truly explains why when it exits its hole! But techniques, meditation, Reiki, reassurance, talking about it, has helped me combat that dark, bleak, empty, terrifying, panic entity in my mind.
There is also that elephant in my rooms of subconscious. The dreaming. An ocean of visual delights, horrors, strange need. My brain, soul, past lives are creating a murmuration of a party in my pants. I experience life times during those REM sleeps. The weird, the re digested is put into Claud’s mixing bowl of night movies and spat out. Recently hanging out with Tom Cruise (nothing sexual, even for a lesbian)
I don’t journal my dreams. I’ve already sought and found my mission and messages in the life (by no means does this mean I’m a complete enlightened being yet) I am cracking on with that journey. With the downs and ups that brings.
I’m now focussing on the beautiful awakenings of spring, walks by the river, blossom, the freshening of air.
The lilley pads in the lake. Those still moments of joy and breathing. Nature connection. The big wide sky. A little bit of tree hugging harmed no one and no thing.
As always – making music saved and saves me from an apocalypse in mind, soul and body parts. I can wrap myself up in it, never mind what is outside my creative cocoon.
Sobriety (mostly I have an unpleasant after effect of feeling depressed from drinking. Tea and a clearer head, has been the better version of me for a number of years) and spirituality is the path my twenty something I was weary of and uneducated in. This is now my (lot better) reality.
These thinking early woke hours, spent manifesting good things. Along with lesser times chewing over the bad and forcing myself free of those voices and frustrations. A mindfulness exorcism is something needed. Or a pep talk along the lines of ‘sort your shit out!’
Good days and bad days exist.
But…. the future, as well as the present should be embraced with all the positivity the world can muster. Survival and wellbeing. I’m sure there will be lots with a whole bucket list of regrets in hindsight, who did not invent or embrace opportunities, but dwell and place blame. Effort is sometime painful, exhausting. When I’ve failed an exam. I studied harder, sacrificed more free leisure time and retook to gain a distinction. Pleased? Accomplished? Hell yes!
But even with successes and failures. The effort of doing and trying is very rewarding. I much more enjoy the journeys than indulging the end results. As soon as one journey is finished, I don’t want to remain still, but embark on another.
With a daily routine of gratitude and appreciating loved ones and all that extra time with our cats. We journey on in this….adventure.
I am only human here…. after all. (Please excuse typos.. you get the gust)
Lately I’ve had times of waking in the early hours. Staring into my minds pit of darkness and despair. Anxiety in the pit of ones stomach. Worry of all kinds. Exploring the void in well-being created by a pandemic. I hate to use the word ‘wobble.’ But there you go.
In a lot of ways, I’m completely safe. I’m currently working from home. Bar one day a week working on site. Staying away from people, masks, social distancing, PPE. With some underlying health conditions. Is the rebellion worth the risk? For me personally – no. Along with that comes guilt, as I currently am not working on the front line at the hospital due to a very high risk assessment. Much respect goes to all the heroes. From carers to retail staff. To all the people cooking meals for people in need, animal rescuers and charities. To the good folk you would never even consider doing good.
Mask wearing really is unpleasant – for long periods of time and with physical work. It leaves me with a dry tickley throat, like I’ve inhaled fibres. But even if it offers me even a tiny bit of extra protection when near people from COVID juice – I’ll suck it up. I’ve not seen evidence that anxiety and non mask wearing stops virus spread. The evidence with masks is well….Space suits next? For all the science, opinion, conspiracy theories, truths, lies, long term study and digestion of the coronavirus pandemic. We are in stasis in the UK currently. Our freedoms, lifestyles are on hold. Fear is being fed causing long term addictions, self destruction and mental health issues.
Through medication and medical breakthroughs, living healthier, evolution, improved healthcare. Humans are able to extend their lives, living longer. With older bodies, immune systems. When is the tipping point reached in nature? What man made/discovered horrors do we bear witness to? Life is fragile. We were never designed to live forever. We will all die of something or multiple somethings. But when the heart finally stops beating. The cycle of life does not comfort lost loved ones. ‘No one here gets out alive.’
I’m a spiritual being. I take comfort that the body dying is not the end. But I fear suffering. Am empathic, which at times affects me a lot. In someways I’ve become far to sensitive in this world. That is my belief and my experiences. I live with a psychic Tarot Reader. Yet I do not dwell on my death date… just a fear of losing the physical presence of the ones I love.
Bar catching anything from the odd takeaway, home delivery. Our risk is minimal. But the odd sniffle, under the weather has still happened. Why I ask? All precautions thoroughly adhered to. I have not missed shops. I love our outdoors farm shop, and a good trott around a garden centre. Our days of supermarket shopping are well and truly over. There is a minority of dirty, personal space invaders, rude and vile individuals, who frequent these places. Who drag their feral crotch fruit goblins about causing mayhem.. best avoided. Home delivery, alongside small farm shops/local business/fresh food purchases is the Clange way of living now.
Paranoia and worry keeps a knocking…sets in again. What if I die? What if I can’t breathe? Worries about family and friends, Ange. The future. Financial survival. Holidays.
I’ve had some stinking and stonking nasty winter viruses in the past. Nothing as bad that bed rest and antibiotics haven’t cured.
I’m not going to focus on the destruction, gaslighting, manipulation, speculation done by the media in every format, including social media arguments. – as I just stick to watching nice animal stories or YouTube travel or foodie vlogs. I have also been enjoying some excellent middle earth, Nephilim/Alien/Bigfoot documentaries.
The wrongs and rights of actions by Governments. Well…..
All I have control over is how we weather this storm.
My personal remedy. Exercise on the cross trainer, walking around the lakes. (Luckily across the road from us …#local) Cutting out snacking and sticking to healthier meals from Gousto- a Godsend has been online shopping and these delivered meals. With hardly any alcohol consumption. The body feels pretty ok atm.
With a stone in weight lost since my binge eating marathon during lockdown 1. I’m feeling a bit better in myself. Gradual and a permanent lifestyle change works for me.
Use of sad lamp, switching news off. Recording lots more music in home studio (which got me through 2020)
Whilst dealing with other people’s negativity. I said at the start of this that people will be judged on their actions and behaviours. Some have truly let themselves down.
I certainly haven’t missed being in the company of these sorts.
Others have embraced a bad situation and been inspiring… the light in the dark.
In some ways lockdown has been blissful. I miss my family and friends. The last time I saw my parents, was at the end of their driveway on Xmas day. Just to collect presents. There have been no physical hugs with them since March 2020. Phone calls and ‘face time’ virtual catch ups are our only option. Ange misses her family in Portsmouth. We wait for better days and #Clange travels.
Our cat Tipsy died last November. A heartbreaking experience. A gradual deterioration of appetite and diagnosis of intestinal growth. They couldn’t operate, as her blood pressure dropped when our vet attempted surgery. We spent the last few weeks with her, in bits, comforting her. We got to stroke her in masks, at the vets door, on a trolley when they put her to sleep. She (her ashes) is now home, in her mango wood box. (A lovely bereavement card sent and signed from the staff- thank you) We miss her so much. She was the most loving cat with character, that would hold our hands with her paws. Lockdown 1 afforded me unknown extra time with her whilst working home. For that I’m truly grateful. Time is precious. Our pets are our babies. (Not that I ever wanted children, or see them as a replacement)
I’ve spent too much time gaming playing Days Gone during the darkness and futility of January. Killing Zombie hoards has led to nightmares and rage. Ange is very supportive and tolerant (until she loses hers) of my shit fits.
With the end now in sight to my level 4 CIPS (Chartered Institute of Procurement and Supply) qualification. It’s time now to knuckle down with study. This in turn has made me realise that I never, ever want to study again.
I have the mind of a creative. Not the memory of an academic. Stick to what brings you happiness and not stress Claud! (Completely grateful to my workplace though) but a struggle whilst working full time in the NHS during a pandemic!
And, most importantly to me..whilst balancing my composer work. (I’ve been truly honest, whilst fully appreciative with my tutor at college- she gets it)
So next steps for me my medication is meditation and Reiki. I’ve neglected it lately.